Chronicles Of Me

2006-12-15T17:22:00.000-08:00

Jaguar

You guys know that since i have passed my driving licence I have become a car crazy person.
I like nice cars, i like really nice ans expensive cars i really do.
Exotic cars , vintage cars and super cars.I have a specific thing for European cars, American muscle cars do not appeal to me nor do the light weight of Japanese cars too. I just love European cars period. I think their engineering, workmanship and the luxury put into their cars are far more superior than any other. oh and it being a cabriolet is such a plus.

I was on the way to work the just the other day and this sleek thing rode up next to me. It was gleaming in the morning sun with its beautiful dark greenish colour. It was the new Jaguar XK convertible, you might have seen this car in the new beyonce's video she was sitting on it. If red is the official colour of a Ferrari and silver Mercedes then this green definitely belonged to the Jaguar.

Just looking at the silhouette of the car, oh so sexy, it gives you goosebumps. So smooth like a baby's bottom, so streamlined. It makes you look fast while standing still. The interior looks just as good, elegant cream leather seats with a walnut finish on the doors and dashboard , oh i think i am getting excited ha ha. Ah but looks is not everything because underneath that veneer of civilised smoothness there lies a monstrous V8 4.2 litre 420break horse power engine that goes from 0-100km/h in less than 5 seconds.I bet it would roar as loud as any Ferrari or Lamborghini. Underrated. My dad is a great fan of the jaguar, he used to have one when i was a small kid but had to give it up because it was too high of a maintenance, i will get him one. soon. =)

Such a perfect marriage of power and style into one car.

What a sight!

right?

Until the fucking owner or driver was digging his fucking nose in his fucking car and roll-fucking-ing it around.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!! DIGGING HIS NOSE WITH HIS BARE FINGERS IN A HALF A MILLION DOLLAR CAR. CAN'T HE AFFORD TISSUE PAPER AT LEAST?!?!?!?!?!?!? SPOILS THE IMAGE SO BADLY . JUSTICE NEEDS TO BE DONE I SAY!!!

2006-12-12T04:59:00.000-08:00

Fredd Perry sling bag

Vans Era limited ed.

3025 Rayban

Swear shoes Model Ant01 i think

Swear shoes Model: Jimmy i think.

Gucci Strap wallet

Nooka watch Model: Zot1 i think.

1968 Jaguar.

There you go. My very (first) own wish list.

hahahhaa. i will add on!

2006-12-09T02:48:00.000-08:00

Mr. David Tan
Ex-director of shell.

WHAT A MAN
such humility.
such humanity.
such knowledge.

Today we went for high tea with my dad's ex boss.
We visit him every year during the festives. So what's so special? Why does my dad visit someone every year without fail. What does my dad owe to this man? Well i found that out today.

What a rolemodel. My dad revealed to me that he was my his mentor and he was one of the biggest reason my dad is who he is now. It was David that took my father under his wing straight after graduation. My dad also said that what David taught my dad was secondary to how he treated my dad during his 15 year stint at Shell. My dad calls him a friend instead of boss.

I know i've visited this guy before but i've not really sat down with him to see this for myself. So this time i took the opportunity to really open my eyes and ears.

WHAT A MAN. At first sight you would not think that this was the regional boss of Shell , one of the most competitive oil companies in the world. Pint sized and always with a warm smile. He even remembers that i am the oldest of my brothers and all of our names! Some relatives dont even know i have a fourth brother! You know someone is special when he makes it a point to remember names.

He's so well read too. Always up to date and inquisitive. He even knew the thomas trains on my baby brother's shirt! He has a grandson who is also a thomas the train fanatic.

Unfortunately he is under going some treatment for his prostrate cancer. Still, he doesn't let that dampen his spirit or those around him always manage to crack jokes about himself and diapers. Such good eq skills.

When he talks to you he is so focused on you and vise versa when you talk to him. I am just a 19 year old kid talking to a man who used to make billion dollar decisions. And he gives me so much respect as a man, all with his eyes! I don't even feel intimidated by him.

I let him know i was interested in trading and stuff and he took his time to talk to me about, giving me tips on what to do if i am interested. Actually he just gave me one tip, learn from my dad. HAHA But what i really enjoyed was when he was advising me on where to study. It was like he totally understands me. Amazing.

Thank you Mr. Tan for the great 2 hour tea session. You have changed my life believe it or not.
It is not a wonder why my dad visits him every year without fail.
I can say i have sat down with one of the greatest men i have ever met so far.
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I think i like this. I think i will do it. I need to read more.

2006-12-07T03:14:00.000-08:00

SAM

Sam is a regular police officer.
Sam's rank is a sergeant.
Sam has been in the force for 12 years.
Sam has been a sergeant his whole life.

just to let you know. rankings in the police force goes like this

Special Constable (as good as recruit or priveate)
Corporal
Sergeant
Staff sergeant
senior staff sergeant
station inspector and so on.

Usually you can get up to a station inspector in 12 years. But not Sam. He's stuck at being a sergeant.

Why is sam like this?
It is because he is satisfied with life.
He thinks that it is enough. He is just living ''life''. It makes me wonder, how can you be satisfied with life? Life is all about the ''next thing'' the next hurdle the next object of desire the next (you get the picture). Sam is the type that when he finds a comfortable spot he will stay there and remain stagnent.
He tells me that he doesn't want anything else to look forward to. He says he's happy with where he is. Getting two thousand a month till he retires is good enough he says.

I am just dumbstruck by such a display of attitude towards life and himself. Tell me really, how can you be satisfied with what you have? Truth is, you can NEVER be satisfied with what you have. Its human nature. It is what makes us breathe and move and wake up the next morning. It is the drive that drives us. To want more. That crave, that lust , it isn't greed you know. It is survival. It makes life so much more fun. What is life without want or greed. What drives you?
What makes you move in a certain way.

I WANT MORE.

When you want more, you move more, you feel more.

HOW CAN YOU BE SATISFIED?!?!? oh my fucking god. i feel so angry. stupid fuck.

There is no I AM HAPPY
There is no I AM SAD
There is only i am happier or i am sadder. That my buddies is drive.
The fact that there is no limitations to feelings this makes life so fun because possibilities are endless.

When cavemen created fire. We created the torchlight and the microwave oven.
Hope and curiosity had a big hand in that.
Ergo, i am so angry knowing that this type of attitude exists, the world doesn't need this. The world don't need bummers.

Besides if you are so ''satisfied'' why not just die? why not just die ''happy''?

So don't lie to yourself, you are not happy you are not sad. You are just sadder or happier.
Don't tell yourself you are satisfied. A fucking lie. Don't escape from this, you'll
Dream to want more. Hope maybe humankind's greatest strength or weakness but it makes everything worth living for. I HOPE THIS CHANGED YOUR LIFE.

Although i know there are many points to argue back and stuff. This really can go on forever.

I feel like a tyler durden. =D

i got into a heated arguement with my father once and he told me something that i will never forget.
He said there was this frog in a winter country found a couldren and stayed in it, as it got warmer he began to feel comfortable so he stayed. It got ever warmer so he stayed. But it got too hot and he died in it. It turned out that he was in a boiling couldren.

The morale of the story? change. always change for the better, never stay stagnent. Look for something better or you will perish like the satisfied frog

sorry if this entry is messy. i am angry.

Stay on for part 2 on why we have this mentality of being ''satisfied'' and i blame the govt.

2006-12-06T15:25:00.000-08:00

I FOUND THE EUROPE MUSIC AWARDS PERFORMANCE

Muse - Starlight (Live @ EMA's Copenahgen)

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hate it or love it. please give it a try. watch out for the lasers!

I CAN'T WAIT. JAN 16.

2006-12-04T04:27:00.000-08:00

my friend at work. my only friend.

I did this up yesterday!!! (the cd rack)

I collected this today!!
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Met an interesting fella today.
This fella is half a decade older than me.
This fella is doing a business honours in NUS.
This fella said i was deep.
This fella said i was interesting.
This fella said it's suprising for someone my age to wonder about what i wonder.
This fella said its good to read up on george soros and warren buffet.
This fella made me realise that i am a george soros type.
This fella said i'll do well in business.
WOOOO WHAT A BOOST, straight from the mouth of an honours student!

Amazing. Everyone is interesting once you decide to try.

2006-12-03T04:59:00.001-08:00

May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

She, oh she

the elviseses are killing me. Mr. Costello and Mr. Presley

wow what lyrics.

2006-12-03T04:53:00.000-08:00

I found pics of one of my favourite cars.
the year 1955
the model 300SLR

(the females must be rolling their eyes)

how do i keep sane.

2006-12-02T01:14:00.000-08:00

Love hurts.

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?
I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

thanks for sending this song. LOVE IT.

i'm good =)

2006-12-01T02:42:00.000-08:00

I had a post back a few months ago and i created a list of musical geniuses i would love to see live.

ONE (actually 3) OF THEM IS COMING RIGHT HERE NEXT YEAR.

MUSE

JAN 16
TUESDAY 8PM
85 BUCKS
FORT CANNING

http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=651#

MUSE.

2006-11-30T04:49:00.000-08:00

You Are A Fun Friend

You're the one who keeps your group laughing
And you've always got an idea for something fun to do
The party's not complete without you
And you wouldn't miss it for the world

What Kind of Friend Are You?

shaun says, ''and a bit satanic''

You Are 64% Passionate, 36% Compassionate

You are very passionate, especially when it comes to love.
In fact, it's sometimes difficult for you to tell between love and lust.
You jump in head first, and figure things out later... usually when it's all over!

Is Your Love Style Passionate or Compassionate?

hahaha . REALLLLY

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.

Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.

You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!

People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

OH REALLLY

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.

You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.

You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.

How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

REALLY!

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You believe that people see you as a bit small and insignificant. People pay more attention to you than you think.

Your near future is likely to be filled with great successes and accomplishments. You just need to figure out how to get there.

For you, falling in love is all about the adventure and uncertainty. You can only fall in love with someone who keeps you guessing.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

i think...ok i better not think...

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it.
You have the confidence to make the first move.
And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best.
Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

hahahahaha BOLLOCKS.

You Are a Chocolate Martini

You're an elegant drunk, who only likes the best bars and the most expensive drinks.
A bit of a cheapskate, you're likely to mooch ten dollar drinks off both friends and strangers.

You should never: Drink and dash. You're gonna get caught leaving someone with the tab!

Your ideal party: A posh celebrity party you crash, with an open bar.

Your drinking soulmates: those with a Classic Martini personality

Your drinking rivals: those with a Blueberry Martini personality

What Flavor Martini Are You?

im no bloody cheapskate basket
i want lycheetini...........

2006-11-30T04:15:00.000-08:00

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I,
never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too
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Every man for himself, said the elephant
As he started to dance around the chickens.

I though this was cute. But it really means so much more. Quite brutal actually. No matter how big you are its every man for himself and if you got to step on the small. Do it. Ain't nothing to be ashamed of. Its life. How do we become elephants and mantain humanity in us.

2006-11-29T02:26:00.000-08:00

THE LINE

Waiters and waitresses that kept looking

The tai tai next to us , with gypsy bags.

Grilled lobster

Oyster

Prawn dumpling

Pizza

Assorted Sushi

California roll

Soup dunpling

Prawns

Salmon Sashimi

Cheese cake

Rasberry shot thingy

Tiramisu

Ice Cream

Choco fountain

Four chocolate strawberrys

Marshmellows

Mr. Straight

Mr. MOHLEY MOHKEY

Ms. SPG SLUT (with ulgy tattoo)

Mr. POK POK

AND MANY MANY MORE INCLUDING GREAT SERVICE!!!

=D

Because she's worth it

2006-11-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

DONT U FUCKERS FORGET THAT IT IS ANNIE'S BIRTHDAY THIS SATURDAY!!!

=D peace.

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My cousin got married over the weekend. He is the first of all my cousins to get married. He just finished his NS, and is working at a hospital cutting people up. His wife is also a cutter. ''awwwwwwwwww'' They both are 27 and they grew up together. I remember seeing them once at Novena Square back when i was only 15.

He said something really sweet to everyone. He said ''today, i marry my bestfriend.''

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The priest said something that caught my attention, he said that marriages are made in heaven but remember, so is thunder and lightning.

They should be arriving at their honeymoon tonight, the Maldives.

Oooh yes. Congrats cuz.

2006-11-20T17:51:00.000-08:00

Mornings

How do i know if i had a great day or a bad day or an average day? I figure it out on the actual day itself. For me, it shows in the morning after. My mornings. It tells me if i had a great day or a bad one. You just wake up and feel it.

After a fight with anyone i usually you feel guilty or feel unremorseful only in the morning.I fought with my mother on chinese new year in 2005, i told her some terrible things. But i didnt feel guilty about it the following morning. I didn't say sorry in the morning, but there are other fights with her i wake up feeling pathetic and lousy.

I've been having bad mornings ever since ns started for me. Everything seem so monotonous. Is that how we really go through ns? Its not that i hate it. i just wished there was something more. Maybe its just my post. I was fun learning but it is so dead-end. Every morning i wake up feeling so lifeless and colourless. I've become a weekend warrior.

Recently my morning has changed.Today's morning was different. The last time i had a morning like this was maybe on the 11th october 2003. yes. You wake up with a smile.

I believe your morning tells alot about you. What your head and heart wants. Sometimes you wake up and just think of something. You know? its like dreaming. When you think of something so much that you end up dreaming of it.

I'm glad my morning is so happy today. I won't lie to myself. I know the consequences. I know what's going to happen in the next 1 year and 4 months, that's alot of bad mornings. But i'll savour this morning. Live it as it is. A minute at a time.

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I’m calling out to you
Singing someday it’ll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you

2006-11-19T10:52:00.000-08:00

''like nothing has changed''

goodnight everyone..

There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.
-Jean Anouilh

2006-11-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

When everything in the world suddenly seem so noisy ,fast and angry.

All you really need is some Frank Sinatra.

2006-11-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

It started here with 2 trays; 40 shots of apple shooters. Dozens of e-thrity threes and caronas NOT in the picture. SEAAHED.

Diane, alex, ed, shaun, tee, fat nick.

Yaya and stripes

Druggie nick, high and gay ed.

ed, tee, zen and me

The Free man. The NsMen. Happy ORD day teedee. Respect! 5 shots in a row before even smoking half his cig! Zen and me tried our best.

our dialogue before i left.

Tee: thanks for coming down man.
Me: WELCOMED! HAVE A FUN ORD AFTER LIFE.
Tee: Fucking good friend, i love you man.
me: same same (we shared a good manly hug, just the two of us =D )
Tee: But you are really fucking satan and zen is the devil.

Zen and me kept making him drink hahahahahahahaha

12 hours later. He failed his driving FTT due to hangovers. We suceeded.

The next day in office was quite dreadful, but it was worth it.

Next one is shaun's enlistment! ZEN AND ME WILL BE THERE. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE.

2006-11-13T04:15:00.000-08:00

Happy 26th !

You look excalty like Skinny fingers =)

2006-11-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

Someone said i have great potential. She said i'll do great things in the future.

might not be true but........that makes me smile. smile. smile. smile.

No one says anything nice about me anymore =(

HAHAHAHAHA.

2006-11-11T19:20:00.000-08:00

I'm looking for this t-shirt

Plain tee with the words FUCK FASHION in a simple font maybe something like arial black.Just FUCK FASHION across the chest.

Yes have you guys seen something like that? FUCK FRIENDS or maybe FUCK BLOGGING too.

OH OH OH OH how about FUCK LOVE. ALL LIES. haha =D

okay.

incubus ~ anna molly
muse ~ plug in baby
kings of convenience ~ misread
the kooks ~ ooh la!!!

2006-11-10T17:52:00.000-08:00

Fight Club and American History X gives you something to think about.
Before any of you think that fight club is just another brad pitt action movie like mr. and mrs smith. It has actually nothing to do with action. Its in the mind. WATCH IT. You'll enjoy it.

Tyler Durden: This is your life and its ending one minute at a time

Danny Vinyard: So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.'

WHOAHHHHHHHHHHH

too bad its banned in singapore.

2006-11-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

mmmmmmmmmmm my newest obsession for possession GIVE ME SEXY!!!
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TINY VOICES

i've been all pinched up since saturday
i've run my self dry of excellence
19 long years in-hale the bullshit in
whatever i said on saturday
whatever i did i'll do it all again
19 marks up walls
each year one short fall of

what is this for ex-parking lot
the dreamers go buy they never stop
20 plus 5 in let the youth cave in

tiny voices make things harder
tiny voices make things harder
everybody will be let down
everybody will be let down
everybody will be let down
everybody will be let down

everybody will be let down.

2006-11-08T04:52:00.000-08:00

Mental Habits.

We all have mental habits, conciously or sub-conciously. It affects everything.

stay with me on this

Imagine we're at a party and we see two men eyeing the same attractive woman. As we watch we see the first man starts to walk towards her but then stops turn and head over to the bar. Moments later we see the second guy walking towards the woman and begin talking to her.

Awhile later we notice the second man begin to move around the room talking to everyone. Initiating a conversation with everyone at the party.

what is the difference in the mental habits between the two?
First guy ''ran a movie'' in his head of all times he had been hurt in a relationship, felt lousy and ended up at the bar to drown his sorrows. (ok this is the important part) His emotional reaction was the expression of a subconcious ,self-limiting belief that ''i'm not good enough'' or ''i always get hurt in a relationship''

for the second guy its qutie the opposite. He constantly has this mental habit of believing that everyone is interesting. Emotionally they feel curious even excited. They feel good about themselves and focus their attention externally.

I was told to try out the second guy's mental habit. Just portraying in the mind that ''everyone is interesting'' or ''isnt he/she interesting'' and you would feel you can talk to anyone. Even if you're alone just close your eyes and imagine yourself in a crowded room with that mental habit. You should be able to feel the difference. AND I DID.

Just thought i share this with you guys. whoever you are.Got most of it from an investing book studying buffet and soros i'm reading now.I believe that things are as bad as we make it but i also understand that sometimes we just cannot help it, oh well. The mind is a beautiful thing so fuck around with it, you never know what you're going to find.

I know everynow and then someone comes along with these beliefs and stuff. And it goes like yea yea yay aya yea aye aya aa ayea yes oh wow that's cool yea yea. But i've always been interested in these sort of stuff. I'll really give this a try. Three cheers to good mental habits!

ON LOOOP EVERYNIGHT UNTIL I SLEEP
JOHN is a good sleeping partner.

2006-11-07T01:51:00.000-08:00

''Shot through the heart
And youre to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name''
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Understanding the minds and works of warren buffet and george soros.
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I haven't told you about Bob and Raymond, i haven't actually told anyone about them. One day i will. I will tell you all about their adventures and their good fight against their archrival and nemesis , THE MAN. I will tell you all about their bravery against temptation and so much more. Heros to us all. Here to save us from society and THE MAN in us.

GOOD DAY AND GOOD FIGHT!

2006-11-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

i SNAPPED

At two ''friends'' I had enough of their nonsense. The least you could do is be a man, SAY SORRY and try not to be irresponsible a-fucking-gain. I told them off and i did something really really nasty and heartless. I don't feel guilty. It was coming. I'm no one's fool and i'll tell it to your face that i meant it. I don't feel sorry.I feel justified. You don't mean anything to me. Once you've outlived your usefulness as a ''friend'' i'll step over you like another stepping stone.

i SNAPPED

At a group of FOREIGN strangers. My friends had to intervene, they had to calm me down. I went beserk. I lost control. Losing control is so fun, you just go for it. GO FOR IT.

i SNAPPED

sigh, i'm not like this. I'm no ruffian nor a tyrant, but i snapped...
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Zen: my stomach feels queasy

Josh: queasy eh?

Zen: yes, i had a very good friend in primary six once

Josh: yea?

Zen: One day in school he didn't feel well because he ate something bad and he told the teacher, ''teacher teacher my stomach feels very queasy weasy''

Josh: ok....

Zen: that's how i know that word and my stomach still feels very queasy.

2006-11-03T20:50:00.000-08:00

Josh. James is a changed man, ALL LIES, there's still hope for you yet. Don't throw that away. says:
why are u slapping urself in your display pic

wq says:
haha nothing la

wq says:
my friend took it for me

Josh. James is a changed man, ALL LIES, there's still hope for you yet. Don't throw that away. says:
but why?

Josh. James is a changed man, ALL LIES, there's still hope for you yet. Don't throw that away. says:
why would u wanto hurt yourself

wq says:
im not la

wq says:
omg

wq says:
idiot

i tend to get this type of reaction out of people.

2006-10-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

DEAR U

I never liked you. I knew you would hurt me more and more as time went by. I was hopeful, i gave you time. Time to leave me on your own. You hurt me more in-fucking-stead. I am disappointed and despondent. You remind me of the pain every second that you've been with me whether intentionally or not i will never know! I credit my sleepless nights and lack of appetite to you! TO YOU! Tonight i will kill you.I will drown you. I will numb you.I will do anything to get rid of you! It will hurt like hell but hey! it will be better for me in the future. So forget it, i will not entertain your lies and mind games. This is the END my friend.

i will
i will
i will
i will
i will kill you with salt!
TONIGHT! TONIGHT!

good bye my Ulcer!

2006-10-30T02:47:00.000-08:00

Now come one come all to this tragic affair
Wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair
So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot
You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me
So gather 'round piggies and kiss this goodbye
I'd encourage your smiles I'll expect you won't cry

Another contusion, my funeral jag
Here's my resignation, I'll serve it in drag
You've got front row seats to the penitence ball
When I grow up I want to be nothing at all!

Freddy Mercury

The New Freddy Mercury

2006-10-29T01:48:00.000-08:00

My mum wouldn't buy the book ''the god delusion'' at Kinokuniya today.

and i wouldnt part with 34 bucks even if there was a 20% storewide discount, which there was.

I dont believe there is a god,

but i do believe in the purpose of believing that there is a god.

I believe in science.

i shall create a new religion.

YES

i will call it THE BLACK PARADE.

These will be the new TEN commandments
1.We abstain for all kinds of mushrooms/fungus
2.everyone must have a different shoe for each day of the week.
3.We believe in the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, one of our saints.
4.you still honour your mother and father.
5.Every sunday night we have coffee at siglap.
6.When we speak in tongues by putting our fingers in our cheeks and make a ''POCK'' sound
7.We shall not talk about fight club (i HAD to add that in)
8.On sunny days when the sky is blue and there are no traffic jams everywhere we indulge in mass interracial orgies later in the night. There will be a bat signal in the sky.
9.As a sign of peace we spit on each other's faces. The more phlegm the more love.
10.One life to live, do what you want. (yea if only)

i know some of them might not be real ''commandments'' hahaha, i am just bored .
PEACE to everyone!! pui!!!

BLASPHEMY!

argh, fill me up with a new obsession SOMEONE PLEASE.

Anyway moving on,i bought another book instead, ''investment genius of Warren Buffet & George Soros''

laughs out loud

mama ~ My chemical romance
lovefool ~ the cardigans

2006-10-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

Sexomania

A new phenomenon called "sexomania", a condition in which people who are asleep proceed to initiate sex with their bed partner, is intriguing the inhabitants of the world of sex.

Researchers made an even more astonishing discovery when they found that not all the partners of people with the disorder were distressed or irritated by the idea of having sex with an unconscious person. In fact some almost prefer it.

"Sexomania", Sex While Asleep

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/cms.dll/photo?photoID=53862 WASHINGTON: A new phenomenon called "sexomania", a condition in which people who are asleep proceed to initiate sex with their bed partner, is intriguing the inhabitants of the world of sex.

In the study, the results of which are published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, Canadian researchers have found out that while many people fall asleep after sex, there are some that sleep during sex. Three researchers from the universities of Ottawa and Toronto and the Toronto Western Hospital, described "sexomnia" as a mix between having a wet dream and sleepwalking.

According to a report in News 24, the researchers made an even more astonishing discovery when they found that not all the partners of people with the disorder were distressed or irritated by the idea of having sex with an unconscious person. In fact some almost prefer it.

The researchers' study consisted of 11 case studies, mostly male. Two girlfriends of a 43-year-old man "independently confirmed that he frequently engages in sexual behaviour while asleep. One describes him as a 'different person' during these activities -apparently he is a more amorous and gentle lover and more orientated towards satisfying his partner."

Not all sexomniacs however are sensitive. Another 37-year-old man is "more aggressive and more amorous" while he's sleeping, says his wife. "He indulges in behaviours while asleep that he does not undertake when awake...there is no stopping him." But she admits, when he tried to throttle her, she had to slap him

HAHAHAH THROTTLE HER HAHAHAHAHAHA

2006-10-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

''In reality, in love there is a permanent suffering which joy neutralizes, renders virtual, delays, but which can at any moment become what it would have become long earlier if one had not obtained what one wanted, atrocious.''

Marcel Proust

oh how true! how true!

There is nothing quite like suffering love,won't you agree.

orange sky ~ alexi murdoch
little thoughts ~ bloc party

Need to try some Ee.

2006-10-23T21:44:00.000-07:00

I wish i never wondered.

I was talking to a friend about religion and here's what we agreed and come to.

For me, i believe someone created this character called ''god''. This ''god'' is created in an image so righteous, so matchless and glorious that he has no faults. With being so righteous and glorious people will always look up to him, in other words obey him. By using this image of someone so almighty, imagine how many lives they can influence.

Okay, the ''god'' part is set. So how are we going to guide the people? THE BIBLE I SAY!! To me the bible is just a book full of lessons. Whether made up or not i see it as a set of guidelines. If you believe in ''god'' you believe in his words. So this someone who is so bored and creative that he created this WORD in the bible.

Why would someone go through all the trouble of doing this you might ask?
My friend and i agreed that this person did this for the good of alllllll mankind. Take a few minutes and think about a world without religion. It would be a world without conscience, without moral, it will be a world without hope. Hope ,to me, is what wakes everyone up every morning. Without hope there is nothing to look forward to. Religion is also for the damned , well somewhere along that line of being damned. When you have nobody, isn't it nice to believe you have that special connection with that dude above? to give you hope and strength to carry on.

This part is from my friend.
Religion or ''god'' helps mankind in a different way. All huffy and crabby people use religion and ''god'' as an outlet for their anger. They do this by pouring all the negative junk on ''god''. Imagine again if there is no ''god'' Where will all the crabby and huffy stuff be dumped? IT WILL BE DUMPED ON YOU AND ME. We will have a world full of hate and no outlet!! We will kill each other and end up extinct like dinosaurs. They didnt have religions did they?

Ok finally, you're probably wondering why my title reads ''I wish i never wondered.''
Because now that i have taken a bite of Eve's apple, i may have just lost hope and my outlet. I'll probably be huffy and crabby to all my friends and family. Soon i'll be out on the streets sleeping. GHAST!!!! Maybe those people who sleep on the streets were once like me, thinking about all these stuff.

Morale of the story? dont bite the apple bitches.......... and huffy is a cute word.

*i dare you to change my views..

2006-10-23T03:41:00.000-07:00

well...i can't get enough of this break up.

hmmm emmm ummm, how muddled, crushed, twisted and tormented i am. Oooooooo how yoda-esque.

what keeps two people together anyway?
i have lost faith and confidence.But i can still manage a smile for all you happy people out there =)

''oh boy, for fuck's sake!
you are only 19 years old!''
wish my mum or dad would say that.

middle of nowhere ~ hot hot heat
crown of love ~ the arcade fire

good bye and good night.

2006-10-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

My Personality


Neuroticism	76
Extraversion	62
Openness To Experience	61
Agreeableness	35
Conscientiousness	36

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2006-10-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

i'm (not) sorry

don't get the wrong idea, i mess up.
We mess up.
Humans mess up.

We cannot possibly hurt anymore (you think?).It has nothing to do with a male's pride and ego. i love you for the umpteenth time and i will always care for you in an immeasurable way not thought possible.I promise and please please please don't the wrong idea. I will keep an open heart and hope for the future.

I will taken your advice, take mine because its from my heart.

Don't get mad if I'm laughing
Blame the caffeine for all the 5 am phone calls
I haven't slept a single night in over a month
And not even once did you start to make sense to me
Well maybe I'm a little bit slow, or just consistently inconsistent
She said, "Unpredictability's my responsibility, baby."

They chewed me up and then they spit me out
And I'm not supposed to let it bother me
But maybe I'm a little bit weak - I let my frailty take the wheel
She said, "Maybe there's a bit of me waiting for a bit of you. baby."

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out just like they hung out before
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway

To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere

This is HOT HOT HEAT
from VA BC

2006-10-20T01:53:00.000-07:00

look at that cheeky devil

some park

in Holland

My old man and my young brother
at the rocky's

2006-10-18T04:11:00.000-07:00

Oh girl we are the same
we are young and lost and so afraid
there's no cure for the pain
no shelter from the rain
All our prayers seem to fail

In joy and sorrow my home's in your arms
in world so hollow
it is breaking my heart

It is worse when you break up because you love someone.
It is worse when you want it so bad but it is so hard because of the distance.
It is worse when you know the other person feels the same way as you do.
It is worse when you still have 18 more months to serve this country.
It is worse when you know there is no easier way to love each other than to break up.

oh wait, the first and last one means the same. fuck.

Complicated and unfair. I guess it is safe to say life is starting for me.

2006-10-17T05:01:00.000-07:00

why didn't anyone tell me muse was this fucking awesome live?

please watch please please please

and if what i've heard is true. they might be here next year!

2006-10-17T03:47:00.000-07:00

Don't always think its YOU

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?

You will suck the life out of me

Love will suck the life out of me.

2006-10-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

''Existentialism and Humanism''

I am lost in Jean-Paul Sartre's Existentialism and Humanism.
It is quite a good place to be lost in.

In the mean time back in the cruel world, my house has turned into a hotel again. Yes, my parents are away again.

3 day 2 night
kew resort
pack light

that was one of the texts i got from a friend.
Charming.

No cars go ~ the arcade fire
you will you won't ~ the zutons

2006-10-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

Well, i'll wait till you listen
I wont say a word
to follow your instincts
just never worked for me
you're silent but strong, yeah, I'm playing that card
and you're noticing nothing again

Now I'm lying on the table
with everything you said
keep that in mind the way that it felt
when the most I could do was to just blame myself

Feel it out for once and feel nothing like everyone else
when the most I could do was to just blame myself
and I know you know, everything
I know you didn't mean it

So, we're talking forever
and you almost feel better
but, betters no excuse for tonight
you see, it's never bad enough
to just leave or give up
but, its never good enough to feel right

I know you know, everything, drop everything
I know you didn't mean it, start it all over
I know you didn't mean it, remember more then youd like to forget

i know you know.

2006-10-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

i love it when my mother buys me boxers. She always chooses the funky ones. haha.

i have a tommy whaley whaley one.
a bear putting with the words ''nice putt'' on my ass. (GEDDIT)
used to have a genie one from disney. ;)
one that looks like kitchen cloth.
and many many more.
i'm not ashamed about the fact that my mother buys my boxers for me!
HELL NO!
hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

night drive ~ the all american rejects
uncle johnny ~ the killers
i want you now ~ the feeling.

''For Sartre**, love, or any other human endeavor doesn't exist unless it is being acted upon. One can't be in love in a static state, like a rock is a rock. Human existence is defined through action and different modes of existence, say love, are real only insofar as they are being acted out or acted upon.

So, I can't love anyone while I am sleeping, or in a coma, or dead. Love requires action.

That said, one can never "realize" love since you are never quite done. You can't just do a few acts and then be finished and say, "ok, I've loved and now I'm finished" and still claim to be in the state of love. In fact, the state of love is a misphrase since love is only insofar as one acts for love, it is dynamic, always in motion, always in action lest it ceases to exist (and remains only in the past).''

like................................WHOOOOOAW

**Sartre- a French existentialist

2006-10-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

Little Miss Sunshine

They say life is a fucking beauty peagant, one after another , it never ends.
Primary school, secondary school , national service, Unversity and what have you.
What are we all living up to. What is life.

Oh no...i'm slipping into another bout of existentialism PONDERING

They say life would not be enjoyable without suffering. Without suffering you will never learn.

I guess i am suffering and you can call it a painful lesson.

''Dwyane: You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and ffck the rest ''

If only it was that simple.

So now, what's next?

Good movie though.

i am trying.......

2006-10-11T03:35:00.000-07:00

it is hazy as it is gloomy and sad.

SO HERE'S SOMETHING
PLEASE LET YOURSELF GO AND GET TICKLED AND LAUGH AND RELAX.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying insecurity.

MARTIN LUTHER
KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called into question

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken
crossing?"

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.

''And the time, such clumsy time
In deciding if it's time
I'm careful. but not sure how it goes
You can lose yourself in your courage

When the time we have now ends
And when the big hand goes around, again
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?

And the mindless comfort grows
When I'm alone with my 'great' plans
This is what she said gets her through it
'If I don't let myself be happy now, then when? if not now when?'

I close my eyes and believe
That wherever you are, an angel for me''

2006-10-09T03:24:00.000-07:00

3rd time, still unlucky.

Precious
–adjective
1. of high price or great value; very valuable or costly: precious metals.
2. highly esteemed for some spiritual, nonmaterial, or moral quality: precious
memories.
3. dear; beloved: a precious child.
4. affectedly or excessively delicate, refined, or nice: precious manners.
5. flagrant; gross: a precious fool.

What is precious to you? Smeagol had his ring, 50 cent has his bling bling, Santana has his guitar, oil is a precious resource so is water in Singapore too.

But still time and time again we often throw what is precious to us aside. Sometimes we do not even realise what is precious to us. It can be something of a physical value or it can be something that cannot be measured. More often then not, unfortunately, that something precious would rise in value after you've lost it. Am i not wrong to say the people in jail cherish their freedom now? It is somewhere along the line i hope you get it.

Still, the people who do know what is precious to them still tend to lose it anyway. Why? i honestly do not know. All i know is that sometimes when we have that something we still tread on the dangerous side, dangling it above an abyss knowing damn well that we're going to lose it. Sometimes we do it subconciously, we get so sidetracked in life about other things that we have forget in what is important. But eventually everyone will come around. For me i think it is human nature to get sidetracked, you have to do what you have to do and forget about that something precious for awhile , even though its' eyes you depreciate in value. Feelings and actions are sometimes inevitable. For example, exhaust from the cars are slowly destroying nature, but why do we still drive? because we have to,it is as simple as that. We do it even though it still hurts.

Its not whether you have forgotten how precious that something or someone is. It is in your own heart that you know you meant well . I know i meant well. I did not mean to hurt you. You are my precious and i got sidetracked and it hurt you in the end. I would do anything to take it back but i can't. It was the only way i learn to be a man, i had to suffer and you were on the end of it, i am sorry. I hope you understand why. It is something everyone had to go through whether that sounded stupid or not.That something drove you away but i needed someone to listen and be strong for me. I know you've tried your best. You will always be precious to me my boo. Someday we'll find out if love can move a mountain.

We've come along way. A really really long way. From long nights and twist perms to ice creams to honeystars to movies to beaches to fisherman's wharf to everything else. I want to wish you a very (would be) Happy anniversary. i love you in the past ,present and future. i miss you very much.

''You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay..''

2006-10-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

To really love a woman
To understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought
See every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly

To really love a woman
Let her hold you
Do you know how she needs to be touched ?
You gotta breath her
Really taste her
To you can feel her in your blood
Then when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman

You got to give her some faith
Hold her tight
A little tenderness
You gotta treat her right
She’ll be there for you
Taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman

And when you find yourself
Lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
Just tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman

2006-10-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

Ever since my parents haven't been in town.
Its been hectic.. yes hectic

i have read about you and i guess you were as lost as me.
you give me strength.

don't analyze
don't guess
don't estimate
don't underestimate
don't predict

just do it
just push it
just get it
be all that you can be.

2006-10-06T03:22:00.000-07:00

If you have time and an open mind. Tell me how u feel.

http://vision.stanford.edu/~birch/pocahontas.html

2006-10-05T03:58:00.000-07:00

The Mind and Heart

They are dangerous. Beautiful but dangerous.
One second/minute/hour/day/week they make you the happiest fool in the world running around with so much energy laughing till u cry.
The very next second/mintue/hour/day/week you have a bottle in your hand squating down thinking about everything that SUCKS and went wrong.

They twist and turn like nobody's business. I know i will never control my ''heart'' but i did not expect my mind to follow my heart in its elusive ways to control it. i honestly thought i'm strong enough. The bouts i had with these two often proved me wrong.

Its really beautiful but dangerous. You just cannnot change some things.
I'll live with it. No regrets, i've tried my best and i hold on by letting go.

i'm fine.

Back to prison break season 1

shaun got posted to CDO COMMANDOS

THE LAST VISIT TO THE SHELL STATION COST ME 99 BUCKS

I LOVE MY MARC JACOBS

I WONDER WHAT MY MUM GOT ME and i think she got you something too

SAMAIRE ARMSTRONG HAS GO TO BE MY TYPE. =)

I MISS YOU

MY HOUSE HAS BECOME A SHELTER FOR THE LOST.

GIVE ME SOME INDIE.

2006-10-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

i've been busy.

You've been a ghost.

haunt haunt haunt haunt.

bad ghost.

2006-10-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

oh..

Oh yes, men wear marc jacobs shoes too.

a voice from the past,
a hope for the future,
at least i know it was true,
i'm glad i still can have fun with you.

2006-09-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

its quite funny when you find yourself running around an underground carpark for 30 mins when you cannot find you car.

its even funnier when you drink beer after chivas.

its even funnier when a ''high'' friend asks where's fat nick when nick is just next to him.

its even more funnier when you're disturbing a drunk friend and he chases you running sideways.

its not funny anymore when you get home at 5.30am and cannot sleep after 10am.

''Friends are God's way of taking care of us. If
you should die before me, ask if you could bring a
friend.''
~ Stone Temple Pilots

2006-09-25T03:29:00.000-07:00

Wake up think fast, three weeks have passed. We are changing. No sleep, no excuses will pass these lips because were shaping up to be all you wish you could have been and to turn their heads and to open eyes to a brand new season.
i know this is now who i am.

So show me something we haven't heard yet but I'm not convinced and your hopeless songs wont stick. But I, I'll sing you something you wont forget for the first time I know this is now who I am.

Penguin CROSSOVER Fred

yes, give me two dragons.

2006-09-24T01:24:00.000-07:00

City living. i love it.
i'll definately hanker over any apartment with such a view.
yes i'll HANKER like a spanker

COOKING
I think i need to learn how to cook!
Reality checked and i'm not sure if i can even fry an egg! im shit spoilt.
oh no, how how how, this isn't good. Need to something about this!
Who wants to teach me how to cook????? hahaha
i only know how to make muffins, but even those are from prepacked muffin packages from betty crocker. cheater way , as miss ow would say

iii'''m brainstompeddddddddd

2006-09-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

I'd probably feel down it in the morning.
Maybe every morning.

''Hope is the last thing that dies in man; and though it be exceedingly deceitful, yet it is of this good use to us, that while we are traveling through life it conducts us in an easier and more pleasant way to our journey's end. ''
~ François de la Rochefoucauld

2006-09-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

So another day at home.
My room is in a fucking mess.
When will my banksy posters come?

You wonder how some people can be so strong.

anyway check out prison break

On the prison drama Prison Break Wentworth Miller plays Michael Scofield whose brother was falsely imprisoned. To rescue his brother and find the real people at fault, Michael robbed a bank so he could be sentenced to Fox River State Penitentiary where his brother was incarcerated. Part of Michael's plan to free his brother involved an elaborate tattoo which he spent two months having tattooed on his upper body. The tattoo contained encrypted blueprint plans for Fox River prison which Michael, a structural engineer, helped design.

how can someone get so good looking.

I WANT .......... that FRED PERRY sweater haha

let me talk to you ~ justin timberlake
the future freaks me out ~ motion city soundtrack

2006-09-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

FUCKING SICK

I AM FUCKING SICK
I AM FUCKING SEHH-ED OUT OF MY BRAIN
I AM FUCKING SUFFERING FROM BOUTS OF INSOMNIA
I AM FUCKING BLAME IMF FOR THE LACK OF SLEEP

WHAT'S WORSE THAN BEING FUCKIN SICK?
I HAVE WORK TOMORROW AND I AM ALONE.
FUCK, I HATE BEING SICK.
I HATE TO FEEL LETHARGIC.
WHEN I AM SICK I AM ON A FUCKIN SHORT FUSE.
I DO NOT LIKE BEING MEAN I AM A NICE GUY.
FUCK.
FUCK FUCK.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I WANT AN INJECTION. FUCK.
WOULD YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING STRONGER MISTER DOCTOR MAN, YOUR FUCKING PILLS AIN'T WORKING.

sigh. good night everyone.

''The ribbon on my wrist says do not open before christmas''

2006-09-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

A number.

If you don't fall, you don't fall in love at all.
I fell hard and i know it was love.
I hope you remember me fondly, i am sorry for the times i've disappointed you.
Like you said, we'll see what the future holds.
For now, i am just so jaded.

''The heart was made to be broken.''
~ Oscar Wilde

fever.
great.
insomnia.
BEST.

2006-09-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

Words are so powerful.

They can change you in an instant. Change your whole views and beliefs if used correctly. They can make a man jump off a cliff or they can cheat you out of thousands of dollars.

They can inspire you to do great things or they can make you feel so low.

Do you agree?

Would you agree that the most persuasive of well chosen words can change anyone's view of things?

It is scary to have this ''power'' they can make you believe and do anything. Of course time plays a part somewhere along the way. For example, the media is a very powerful tool it can make you cry or create hate.

It makes you think about yourself and other people. Are we all who we really are. What is real anymore?

haha just give me my hailey.

2006-09-18T03:48:00.000-07:00

In two more years, my sweetheart, we will see another view
such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

They say: 'be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way'
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years so hold on

You've cried enough this lifetime, my beloved polar bear
Tears to fill a sea to drown a beacon
To start anew all over, remove those scars from your arms
To start anew all over more enlightened

I know, my love, this is not the only story you can tell
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years...

You don't need to find answers for questions never asked of you

dead weights and balloons
drag me to you
dead weights and balloons
to sleep in your arms
ive become rougher, this world is killing me

we cover our lies with handshakes and smiles
we try to remember our alibis
we tell lies to our parents he hide in their rooms
we bury our secrets in the garden
of course we could never make this love last
i said of course we could never make this love last
the only love we know is love for ourselves
we bury our secrets in the garden

18 more months to go.

It is funny how i find myself subconsciously doing certain things. I guess you have became a habit.They say breaking up is like an amputation. I understand why they say that. You lose an arm but you still try to reach out and grab something then harshly and unforgivingly , reality hits. It hits so hard.
Like an amputee who will never miss his arm.
I cannot will not deny or hide the fact that i will always be in love with you.

It hurts to think of you not being with me.
But when i think of you its exciting.

2006-09-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

Music.

Best thing that ever happened to me
I love to read the lyrics to every song, over and over again. It speaks to me , it can mean a thousand things. From the cardigans to white snake to beach boys to fall out boy to saosin to michael buble. Give me any type of genre (must have lyrics!) and i will take it! no techno please, that is not music it is more like flies getting zapped in that ultraviolet fly zapper thingy and a toddler with eilepsy playing the electric piano.

I believe that music is the poetry of the 21st century.
It is the evocation of my feelings, the things i could not express.
Each song holds a memory and a meaning. I feel so connected with music.
This is my tribute to music, a big part of my life.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~ Victor Hugo

2006-09-16T04:33:00.000-07:00

Does everything seem so hard? Or are our minds just playing tricks with our hearts.

I feel my wings have broken
In your hands
I feel the words unspoken
Inside
When they pull you under
And I would give you any thing you want
You were all I wanted
All my dreams are falling down
Crawling round and round and round
Somebody save me
Let your waters break right through
I don't care how you do it
Just save
Come on
I've been waiting for you
I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And they pull me under
And I would give you anything you want
All my dreams have fallen down
Crawling round and round and round

i can hear them calling, the two mountains.
Oh don't tempt me.
I hope i make the right decision.
oh god send me a sign!
I honestly cannot wait till all this is over.
But i can't go through this alone.

No one knows but i!

Bet that didn't make sense to anyone and i don't care.

hmm what do you think?

2006-09-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

I've driven more than 450 kilometres in the past 5 days. With my buddies bloc party and death cab accompanying me the wholeeeeeee jolly time. I kind of enoyed it. Driving at 5am in the morning and late at night. It is so peaceful. I think i would love to go on a long road trip some place with very very very green scenery and plenty of animals,seeing snow somewhere along the way would be great too. So niceeeee. =))))
The car MUST be a cabrolet. Must have alot of twiggies. mmmm twiggie. i think thta's it. hahaha

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm twiggie.Cold ones are the best!
anytime is a twiggie time

Choices.again.

I hate to choose. I need to go through and through the pros of cons of each decision. That's the type of person i am.

I wish it was easier. sigh. It is still premature though. Sometimes it gets to a point that you wish something bad to happen so that it would be easier for me to choose. But that would be lying to myself and i will look back with regrets. The only regret is not being true to myself. This goes on and on and on and on in a vicious cycle. I'm torn. Seems so exciting.

Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Kill ~ jimmy eat world
refuge ~ john legend

2006-09-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

Things don't happen for a reason. Things DON'T just happen UNDERSTAND.
Subconsciously your actions and decisions know what you want or want to happen. Then you happily say its fate or destiny. HAHAH FUCKING LAUGH IN YOUR FACE YOU FUCKING TWIT. mind my langauge but it happens for a reason.

Ain't nothing that is true anymore. Just lies to get what you want and where you want to be in this world. Face it, sometimes you have to be shrewd and crude about things and let go a smoke screen and say it's fate i guess.

Talk talk talk talk talk. Stop it. YOU make your own FATE your own LUCK your own DESTINY ain't nothing spectacular or wonderfully great about it.The puzzle don't fit nicely; you cut it into shape dumbass. It is down to being sneaky about it. I know i went for alot of things in life. I used to say it was fate and luck. Fuck that now. I sweat blood and tears and i won't let all my effort go to luck. Respect it and cherish it. I will remember it. I will i will i will.

2006-09-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

George Bush said god spoke to him and told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq.

I wish god spoke to me. Don't get me wrong Bush is full of purple fart. But sometimes i just wish someone as powerful as ''god'' can take a little time off to tell me what to do.

sigh sigh sigh. That has got to be the most used word next to ''lol'' oh and i need to stop using singlish. I heard myself in a recording and its pretty sick. sick sick sick. A sick duck. fark. put a car in the dark filled with farts and throw darts. i am going crazy. i want to buy some chucks.
Work is till 11pm tonight. Might need to stay in.

Existentialism.
Yes why? Why must things be the way they are? Can't we throw away all the rules. Poor bogey man, all he wanted to be was to bake blueberry muffins.

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised.

bruised ~ Jack's mannequin

''Little drops of rain Whisper of the pain Tears of love Lost in the days gone by''

My speakers are working!!! i am alive again!!!

2006-09-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

Return Of The Queencess.

That will be a great movie with a very interesting end.

Anyway IMF is going smoothly, we were given more manpower means there is more free time for me and sooooo i am here

I am like a big big big colourful flower bending to the Sun. That sun would be the SLK in the visitors lot.

Bittersweet is a good word. A mixture of pain and pleasure. Sigh. Does anyone know what is the best remedy to mend a broken heart?
I hate learning. It means you will have to fall. I hate falling because i don't like getting hurt. I hate getting hurt because it takes time to heal. I hate to wait for it to heal because i am impatient. I am impatient because i inherited it from my father. I like being impatient, I just got to learn to control it. I believe it is a good trait to have. I used to think instilling fear get things done, but that's what terrorist do. I need to change my way and this is going nowhere. HAR HAR HAR.

If it can be broke then it can be fixed,
if it can be fused then it can be split
It's all under control
If it can be lost then it can be won,
if it can be touched then it can be turned
All you need is time
We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?
A sense of purpose and a sense of skill, a sense of function but a disregard
We will not be the first, we won't
You said you were going to conquer new frontiers,
Go stick your bloody head in the jaws of the beast
Breath in, breath out
So here we are reinventing the wheel
I'm shaking hands with a hurricane
It's a colour that I can't describe,
It's a language I can't understand
Ambition, tearing out the heart of you
Carving lines into you
Dripping down the sides of you
We will not be the last.

Burt Bacharach / Elvis Costello Lyrics ~ I'll Never Fall in Love Again

2006-09-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

I AM LUCKY
I sound so spoilt in my previous post. Ok enough of that.

Had a long chat with my dad this morning, it was a ''jolly good conversation'' . We talked about my future (studies). It is really comforting to know he was not going to impose on me to study whatever he thought will be good for me. Instead he told me he will support me in whatever and wherever i choose to study. I thought he might not take me seriously when i told him what i might consider doing, but he didn't and gave me advice. I feel sooooo.....optimistic....yes.....that's the word.

I made two new friends today. Yes mummy i did! Interesting people with good experience that might be of useful knowledge to me! haha. After all one of them OWNS a SLK 200 the closest thing to a Hailey my SLR.

msn is down. Its like having cream with no ice. Save me.
One of my speakers is not working. Fuck, my dad will kill me if its spoilt.

''Nothing is hopeless; a million miracles are witnesswed every day''

2006-09-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

Enough is never enough.

Its human nature to always want more.
More than they need.
More than they can afford.
More than they can handle.
More more more more more more.

I should be so lucky. The life my parents have provided me with. The things i've seen. The things i've done. The opportunities i have

Nothing. Zilch. You'll get used to it, then you move on to want more.
Then you realise you want so much more that you cannot turn back. You realise you cannot be simple anymore. You cannot go back to what you once was. You'll eventually finding yourself wanting more. I'm a more-whore. I'll go crazy, plotting and planning to get what i want. I usually get what i want. Be it days, months even years.

It gets to the point that the chase of it all is far more exciting then getting the object itself. It is just like the movie The Thomas Crown Affair. Where this bored billionaire businessman , Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan) gets his kicks from plotting and stealing valuable targets like a Monet.

I should be so lucky. But i am not, i am greedy and ungrateful. Sometimes i wish i didn't have a choice. That way i wouldn't have to look back and regret , that way i won't end up being disappointed and spoilt. Choices can make or destroy you. It defines you. When you are given a choice you will always want more even when you don't need it and you tend forget the more important and simple things that were always there. Maybe i wasn't so lucky after all, this gift is a curse.

''Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives. ''

If you like Something corporate try Jack's Mannequin ~ Mixed Tape
Jack's back

Can someone lend me the album waterloo by Dirty Pretty Things.
Yea as if anyone reads this anyway.

Bloc Party is legal high legal high legal high legal high legal high legal high legal high. ahhhh

2006-09-08T17:19:00.000-07:00

Hard rock was good.
They played Maroon 5 convincingly.
They sang MJ's songs and it was actually quite ''real''.
They were really good.
I didn't like live bands before, but i guess you can't knock it off until you try anything.
Now i want to see death cab for cutie at hard rockkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Sick Hacks Shots with tia maria. YES i'm talking about the HACKS the sweet.
Got ''saboed'' by the bartender. haha.
Ended up abit high and playing with the PA in the house and shouting ''i'm richhhhh bioacthhhh''
Then it was puke puke puke after that.
I really need to do something more productive.
I spent more money.....shit......
This was kind of meaningless fun though. Nothing to do with existentialism.

I'm a war, of head versus heart,
And it's always this way.
My head is weak, my heart always speaks,
Before I know what it will say.
And you can't find nothing at all,
If there was nothing there all along.

2006-09-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

I realised there is a hidden relation between perception and existentialism.
Perception leads us into a life that we do not choose or know about and later we wonder about our own existentialism and reason for reason after we realise this is not what we are looking for in the first place. Has perception taken us far away from what we are really interested in? Has perception destroyed everything ''real''

haha forget it. Don't think anyone will understand 80% of my female brain.

Death cab for cutie and strong cough syrup should be in the ''legal high'' category.

When i found love
God sent me a black dove
He trapped me
I have lost the fight
Make me believe
I want to believe.

You Are Half Baked Ice Cream

In reality, you're just a quarter baked

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

2006-09-07T01:24:00.000-07:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

OH SWEET BABIES OF A MULE!
Its scary how they figured all that out from answering silly animal questions.
But that is pretty much me. hahahaha.

Your Penis Name Is...

Goliath

Penis Name Generator

I couldn't help but know.HAHAHAHAHA.

You May Be a Bit Antisocial...

Antisocial? That may be a bit of an understatement.
You think rules are meant to be broken - and with gusto!
Having no fear, you don't even think about consequences.
But people love you anyway... you've got a boatload of charm.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

You Are a Liberal for Life

You've got a bleeding heart - and you're proud of it.
For you, liberal means being compassionate, pro-government, and anti-business.
You believe in equality for every person, and you consider yourself universally empathetic.
Helping others is not just political for you ... it's very personal too.

What's Your Political Persuasion?

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic.

With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal.
Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Are You Hot?

Oh yes. HAHAHA. THIS + GOLIATH = DEADLY.. ok i'm only kidding.

You Are Spider-Man

Quick and agile, you have killer instincts (literally).
And that kind of makes up for the whole creepy spider thing.

What Superhero Are You?

''then you know why we can't be together mary jane''

You Should Drive a Ford Shelby Mustang Cobra

You have an extreme need for speed, even when you're not in a hurry.
And while your flying by, you don't want to look like every other car on the road!

What 2007 Car Should You Drive?

ELANOR!!!!

You Are 35% Normal

You sure do march to your own beat...
But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all
You think on a totally different wavelength
And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

My mum said i was special.. =)

Your Brain is 80% Female, 20% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

i i i i i i i i i dunno what to say say say say say......

ok i can't get enough but i neeed to stopppppppp....
i THINK that most of them have some truth in it. GOLIATH. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

JIMMY EATS WORLD ~ GET IT FASTER
I'm holding out
Not getting an answer
I'm finding out that
Cheating gets it faster

2006-09-06T05:54:00.000-07:00

''We are told about the world before we see it. We imagine mist things before we experience them. And these perceptions, unless education has made us acutely aware, govern deeply the whole process of perception. They mark out certain objects as familiar or strange''
-Walter Lippman

Is black really black? or is it actually blue? or red? Who named it ''black''? And who decides for eternity it shall be called black. Are we the ones who are really colour blind? But then who are we compared to? Do we actually percieve black to be... black?

That quote reminds me of the movie ''the matrix''.The truth is we are controlled in a way.By the media, by our parents, by our peers and the GOVERNMENT.
Sometimes because out of respect, maybe the 'older-knows-better'' mindset, maybe beacuse of FEAR(govt govt govt).

Ultimately we slowly lose ourselves in perceptions. I dare say we lose our soul. We already make up our mind so quickly based on opinions.
Have you ever thought of what you wanted to be?
I always wanted to be a business man.
Recently i've been thinking of what i actually want to do with my life in the future and what i am interested in.

In singapore it is a safe bet that if you want to live comfortably you have to be a businessman(an average one would do). I thought about it and now i might not be so interested in being one anymore. Look at it this way, i may have been interested in being a businessman only because i wanted to live the best life in Singapore. As a result i forgo all my other talents (if i had any) and any other real interest. Brushing them off as unimportant and childish(maybe). In a way this is also preception. We precieve we need to survive in Singapore therefore we create this interest in business(in my case). Apply that to many other things and see what else you can find out about yourself. You'll be surprised what you actually want. Unfortunately not everyone can change.

Apply that to racism
money
cars
toilets
insects
death
love
ballons
colours
shoes
FASHION
ART

Magicians and politicians use this to great effect in getting what they want.

I think that's one way to look at the world. I just hope we don't lose ourselves to society. I see it as a vicious cycle. I envy those who know what they want.
But there's no fun in know what you want. Which brings me to my next point in life.
You can never be happy. haha

i hope i made sense.. haha.. ignore me.

2006-09-06T02:11:00.000-07:00

hahaha..this tickles me and makes me think...

Usually after something major or life changing has happened, you tend to think about ''serious stuff''.
''Serious stuff'' for me, i guess would be something likeeeeeeeeeeee....existentialism.

Now would you tickly my fancy Little Miss Nancy!

''So are we lost or do we know
Which direction we should go
Sit around and wait for someone to take our hands and lead the way
Cause every day we're getting older
And every day we all get colder

We're sick of waiting for our answers
Yeah I'm so tired of waiting, waiting for us to
Yeah I'm so sick of waiting, for us to make a move

Wake up, wake up, wake up
And we will never lose
Make a move.

It's not enough
To let it run
Where's the truth
It's all wrong.''
-The LostProphets

2006-09-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 6.30am to go to work today until my dear mum told me i could take the car. SOOOOOOOO i suddenly have an extra hour to spend before i leave.
What can you do to pass time with this hour without sleeping?

YOU CANNNNNNNNNNNNNN stare blankly at the computer screen and don't know what else to say.

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth

In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

It truly is disappointing and sad to be misunderstood.
Always in all ways, i want you.

OH MANDY-THE SPRINTO BAND
if you like indie.

2006-09-05T04:15:00.000-07:00

TODAY TODAY TODAY.
If you are JOSHUA YEW PING YUAN ( my chinese name means ''source of peace'' or '' Fountain of peace'' somewhere along that line. HAHAHA)
YOU would know you had a busy day when you leave your wallet in the office after you realised the notes in your wallet are UPSIDE DOWN and do not have the time to put them upright. It irks me to death to know my notes are not put properly. Maybe that is the reason why my pinky toe on my left foot kept twitching, it knows something is WRONG. This is the first time and the last time i leave my notes upside down, i swear.
Its soooooo... soooo....mindfucking to know it was not........upright....yes.....yes... definately... yes...
See i'm still suffering....it still haunts me that i lefttttttttttttttttttttt my notes...UPSIDE DOWN....yes .... yes....*twitch twitch*
hope i can live with myself after today....

I realised i have a great affinity for slow 70's rock music. These are the real pioneers of rock or metal, forget Metallica. This is how rock songs should be. PLEASE DO YOURSELF JUSTICE AND DOWNLOAD THESE. SPREAD THE LOVE , THE LOVE !!
The Scorpions - Winds of change
Journey - Don't stop believing
Skid Row - I remember you
Steelheart - Angel eyes
yes yes yes....

I think, i was an ice cream in my previous life.

I scream
you scream
we all scream
for..
ICE CREAM...mmmmm....*twitch twitch*

I guess this answers if there is a God.
''it is the heart which perceives God and not the reason. That is what faith is: God perceived by the heart, not by the reason''
-Blaise Pascal

And with that i will not be alone...

2006-09-04T03:33:00.000-07:00

I can't say i like NS
But i can't say i hate it too.

I realised that i hated NS in the first place because it prevented me from certain things i wanted so bad. I guess i would not have hated it so bad if ''they'' let me defer it and go overseas to pursue my studies. That would have made it so much better, that would clear alot of doubts and worries in my head right now. Like how i would start studying again, can i keep the momentum going like i used to in secondary school. My main conern is that i will lose interest in my studies, that is why i'm going to embark on a part-time dipolma soon, hopefully.

As a result of not getting what i wanted i blamed everything else and said alot of stupid things to make myself feel better. Of course it did not work. I was still so bitter and angry. So for the record, i only hated NS because i wanted to study first and maybe be with someone at that time.

One good thing has come out of this though, it has showed me how I DO NOT WANT MY WORKING LIFE TO BE. It is so monotonous right now, I hate those type of jobs.You just do your part over and over and over again each day and go home and wake up and over and over and over again. Its like you are working to live, there is no excitment in that. I want to live to work. That makes everything the more interesting and challenging. I admire people who hold those type of jobs. Might be hard and stressful , yea, but at least it's different and keeps you going . That is the type of person i am. I can't keep still and waste my brain away. But then again, not every will be so lucky to get what they want.

Life's got to be more than just sitting down and doing the same stuff over and over again. I WANT A LIFE THAT IS MINE.

''And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.''
-Abraham Lincoln

2006-09-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

This morning when i woke up...i felt it...it was instant..

2006-09-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Soooooooooooo, I spent 600 bucks in the last 2 days. yup.
HEY BIG SPENDER.
Best part is i don't feel the pinch, yet.
The stuff i ordered has finally came,its really beautiful.
The rest of the money was basically spent on my high phone bill for last month and clothesssssss.yessssssssss. Haven't bought anything for myself since i enlisted except for my handphone.

__ used to be here.

My newest friend.

2006-09-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

I screwed up badly. I was frustrated at many things. I said alot of stupid things.
I hope i did not destroy our friendship because it means alot to me that i still have you there. Another regret another act of stupidity. When will this end?
I hope there is still hope for us.
I feel sad because i felt that i have destroyed it.
When that was the last thing on my mind.
I know i have said these things a countless times before, you can choose not to believe me i understand.
I can't deny my love for you or hide it. You've shown me something i cannot forget. I went out today and it felt good. Peace of mind.
Perhaps you already suffered your share of heartache before you told me how you felt. I can say i have just suffered mine for the past weeks and now, i like you have put my feelings for you locked tightly and put it in a special place in my heart.Where i'm sure it will not be forgotten. Maybe waiting to see what the future has in store for it. Or as a reminder of many things.
For the time being that will not be opened. The timing is not right for love or us.
Too young too soon. I don't want to hurt another person. I've done enough. Too young to do this gf-bf thing. It's not right at all. I am going to embark on a part time course. Studies is more important now. That's the main reason why i went to do my NS first anyway.
I'm in desperate need of help and i can only help myself this time.
Forgive me once again...

''There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.''
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

2006-09-02T02:19:00.000-07:00

three posts in a day.
And finally something that felt like a closure.
To start again.

2006-09-01T21:08:00.000-07:00

Travis Barker.

http://celeb18.com/2006/08/15/travis-barkers-divorce/

Its quite easy to believe what travis said even IF** this was made up. Especially if you watched MEET THE BARKERS.

**(which i highly doubt so because there are so many other sites that supports this)

''i purposely tattoed my whole body so i couldn't fall back on a perfect job. So I had to play music. I wouldn't have any other choice''

Travis is my hero.
Great POPPA. Perfectionist with passion!

2006-09-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

I hope i can find the day to forgive myself.
I had you and i lost you. I was blinded and i let the most insignificant of things
take control of my life. When the most important of person in my life was slipping away. How could i been so off track? I took you for granted. You never know what you got till its gone.

''You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here''

Memories of you and me, they haunt me wherever i go. I cannot escape it. I won't erase them even if it kills me to. In the mall when you were going for a job briefing and you would run off to the toilet to give me a kiss. Shopping for groceries. I want orange jabbas!

You and me had something special. People who knew us would admit it. The times when we were together it was all about our own little world. Bonnie and clyde, all i need in this life of sin, is me and my.........

One thing good has come out of all this though, we did learn where we went wrong.
Be it in our long-distance relationship or when we were on the same country. We lost touch of reality. The harshness of it all. And it came crashing like a train without brakes before we could prepare for it.

''No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you''

Three years, 36 months 37 weeks 1095 days and billions of ''i love yous'. Could we have worked it out? i don't know. Do i want another chance? No, i don't want. I need another chance.
Regret is a strong word. You use it when you admit you've done something you wish you could have taken back.Some people use it when they can still salvage things. Some people use it when the realise it is too late. Unfortunately it was the latter for me. I don't usually regret things.
But if only we could turn back time.
I'm not asking for another chance. That's not right of me. And it's unfair to you. I just want you to know how colourful you made my life after i met you. I meant that in a good way. The holiday in July was unbeilevable. Felt like we were adults and married. No parents to curfews. only abit of a money problem. But we were so free. And i understand why you like it there so much more.

''Come up to meet you, Tell you i'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
take me back to the start ''

Went to wala wala at holland V last night. The live band was quite good. But there was this disturbing plump guy who sat infront of the stage and kept singing along with the band with so much passion. You might ask, so what's wrong with that? And i would tell you to imagine him licking his lips , touching himself and swaying like a pole dancer on a stool and you would know something is definately wrong.
There was this midget waitress too. Really cute. haha. Like a 12 year old girl serving beer.

Met this girl of my friend's. Apparently she's leaving for somewhere for a very long time and her boyfriend didn't want to spend time with her. Need i say how much he'll regret it the day after she leaves?

Was stopped at a road block on the way home last night. I was doing 80 on a 50. Fucking lucky the officer didn't really care. And luckily i only had about half a bottle of beer. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

''im just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on loves sweet charity
And I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams''

To those who will get to know her and to those who already do. LeAnn is a very special person. Don't take her for granted or you'll regret it with your heart. like i did.

i'm such an emo fucker.sob sob sob wake up motherfucker.

2006-08-30T03:45:00.000-07:00

IMF/WORLD BANK

The time has come to do some SAI KANG!!!! (means dirty job)

Had a briefing today about my deployment during the IMF/WORLD BANK conference.
The gist of the briefing is that a group of us will be working shifts throughout the duration of the conference, which is 10 days. Those ten days will include three 24 hour shifts, three off-days and three office hours days. I am actually looking forward to it. Been a long time since i stayed up for more than 24 hours. The last time i did something like that was when i was studying for my 'o' levels with triple shot espressos to keep me awake. I think it should be fun. haha. something different for awhile is always good i guess. By the way, my job during that period is to sit down and take the attendence of intflow and outflow of the troops.That means i'm sure to meet weird fellas out there. haha.

Shat in my car today while i was driving home after work. I guess that can happen when lightning strikes so near to you that you can immediately hear the thunder following behind. Even felt my car vibrate a little.

Is there a god? Or was he created by a thoughtful person who knew the world needed to be united by the actions of one being to create peace among each other? Or did someone create ''god'' to make the lonely never feel lonely again, give the hopeless hope? somewhere along that line.

Using the name of god is so powerful these days, it can even help you earn money.

I doubt his existence but i believe in his ways.

haha....it always nice to put something funny at the end like.... I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother

RAIN RAIN RAIN MAKES TRAFFIC SO SLOW

2006-08-29T08:13:00.001-07:00

LETTING GO AND LOVING YOU

I can safely say. I have let go. Just like you said it was to salvage what is left.
It still hurts yes. But it hurts because its healing. I cannot explain it. Letting go helps me think
clearly and positively, obviously not at the beginning of it.

In fact i did not lose or let go of anything. If you know what i mean. (or maybe not) .
We hurt each other too much and got lost along the way.
Made promises we cannot keep and were not there for each other in times of need. That resulted in alot of frustration ,hurt, heartbreak and doubts. Letting go, helped me realise what i have become and what we have become to each other. I know during my earlier months of Ns i was so bitter and angry. That made you sad. I'm sorry.

I know now that forcing a relationship to work will not eventually work itself out.
Something as simple as Time Out might just do it.To get our minds back into perspective.
See where have we derailed and work on that. slowly but surely.It is a mistaken belief that I must push my love relationship in the direction I choose that keeps us strained and unhappy .Its too late to have a time out now, i accept that,I may regret how i was like but its all in life's lessons to remind you not to be like that again. If there is true love you
should not worry so much. It will be true to you no matter what has been said or done.
It always comes back, i hope (that's the advice i got).

Reality might be cruel, but we can either embrace it or struggle endlessly. For me, i tried struggling and it just made me more annoying and irritating.
Struggling in quicksand will do no good. We'll just end up angry and very very sandy. This applies to the 19 months i have left to serve this country. EMBRACE 19 MONTHS

I will go and pursue my dreams taking with me all my lessons. More to learn of course.
This will work out again. Us. You. Me. Anything can happen, true. The world seems more flexible to what i percieved it to be. I'm lucky that i am filled with choices.

Its exciting who we are becoming. Almost starting a life again. Starting anew. Rediscovering myself.Rediscovering you. Some events that happened in the past might have been grave mistakes. But they are called mistakes so that we can improve on them and correct them. Maybe we can start again. Maybe we can't right now. Maybe i'll be more understanding. Maybe we'll try again. Wait, we will try again, definately. Once we have the right balance and proper means to try again. IWMY

Not now but not never. Between us, that means alot more than it would to strangers. I said that to you once many years ago. Its your turn now.I still have alot to learn but i know what to learn to be better now.

One unchanged fact is that i will always need you.

I think this is what you had in your mind and what you felt for a long time. Sorry i took so long to realise this. My sadness and reason to not believe what was happening had blinded me temporarily.

With this i say '' i let go'' but also with tears filled with love for you. You know you were always the one. You will not be alone, i promise you.
Day by day...talk to me when the time is right...Things are salvaged with me.At least it feels that way.

I love you annie.

You don't have to react to this..I am not reaching out to you.. I just read something and it moved me. I put this here for myself. Not anyone else.

2006-08-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

Bently GT Continental Coupe oh my oh my.
Saw this beauty a few times at my club already. Sweet ride, she's flirtatious MEOW! . I'll call her Nancy!

Aston martin vanquish,i fell in love with her way before she starred with James bond mind you. British beauty this one, meet Peyton.

Le Classic, Jaguar e-type back in the day. I love Jag classics ever since they used that jaguar in the movie cruel intentions. Sexy beast i tell you! Penny will be her name!

Made in Woking ,England. This goddess of thunder was made by maclaren! My favourite. My dream.My Maclaren SLR. Fast and responsive like how typical supercar would feel but with all the luxury of a modern Merc. I can go on and on about this car just ask my friends . But then i would just spoil its reputation. So here is my precious, Hailey.

I know what most of you are thinking, ''yea yea another crazy car lover who loves power, speed and all that'' But i didn't really care much for cars until i watched ONE episode of top gear (from BBC) and i am HOOKED. I belive what you drive says alot about you. The colour,the cleanliness ,all the accessories you add. Its excatly the same way it is about what you wear and how u wear it, your hair, your shoes and so on, it tells people what type of person you are. Impressions matter in this world. haha.

GOD I'M A CAR WHORE.

If the devil had twins they would be called fate and destiny.

2006-08-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

''Day by day he gazed upon her, Day by day he sighed with passion, Day by day... ''

Is it possible to find your souldmate at a tender age of 16?

What do we do with love and what is love?
Is it cowardly to hide from it, deny it.
Is it a lie we use to get what we want.
or is it something we'll never know.

I've learnt not to plan it anymore. Sure it feels great when it comes together. But when it does not come through, it hurts like hell.

But you know what they say, nothing hurts like love.

Let's take it slow.rediscover.without holding one another back. without sacrificing futures.but with all the same freedom.is it that be possible to happen? day by day...like always since the 10th of october 2003,

It's the way she makes me feel.
It's the only thing that's real.
It's the way she understands.
She's my lover, she's my friend.

2006-08-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

''let go''

Hit the driving range after work.
I still have my beautiful swing, haha.
A friend asked me to join him and i thought it was a good way to let go and beat that little white rubber ball.
Felt good. Liberating. Seeing the ball fly straight and far really felt good.

My dad introduced this sport to me when back in the day when i was in primary four. I hated it at first, i could not even hit past 50 metres mark. Now i'm doing 150-200 easily even with a mishit. Goes to show. You will get the hang of anything you really want.
So don't give up.

Think i'll see where i'll go with weekly range visits. You can never perfect golf. Maybe that is why some people find it addictive. Hope it'll clear my mind.

''gone.''

2006-08-27T01:06:00.000-07:00

The pass two weeks have been very eye-opening, teary, sad, truthful, confusing and messy. Conversations were painful, lessons were learnt and a mutual decision as a result. I will most probably not ever get over you, maybe i do not want to. It is a sin to forget how wonderful you were to me. For now it is time to move forward and grow up. I will always love her deeply and i know she loves me too. She was right, this is not the right time to have a long-distance relationship. Love prevails all.

Like you once said, somewhere along the years when we are actually on the same country/state/area/postal code who knows what might happen.

So here is to us and whatever the future holds, i hope it holds you. Your name, forever etched in the corner of my heart. I will always be happy for you. You will always have me. My bestfriend and confidant.

Revelations, evolution,revolution, initiation or progression call it what you want. The journey begins to find myself and what i truly want.

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change."
-Buddha.