LETTING GO AND LOVING YOU

I can safely say. I have let go. Just like you said it was to salvage what is left.
It still hurts yes. But it hurts because its healing. I cannot explain it. Letting go helps me think
clearly and positively, obviously not at the beginning of it.

In fact i did not lose or let go of anything. If you know what i mean. (or maybe not) .
We hurt each other too much and got lost along the way.
Made promises we cannot keep and were not there for each other in times of need. That resulted in alot of frustration ,hurt, heartbreak and doubts. Letting go, helped me realise what i have become and what we have become to each other. I know during my earlier months of Ns i was so bitter and angry. That made you sad. I'm sorry.

I know now that forcing a relationship to work will not eventually work itself out.
Something as simple as Time Out might just do it.To get our minds back into perspective.
See where have we derailed and work on that. slowly but surely.It is a mistaken belief that I must push my love relationship in the direction I choose that keeps us strained and unhappy .Its too late to have a time out now, i accept that,I may regret how i was like but its all in life's lessons to remind you not to be like that again. If there is true love you
should not worry so much. It will be true to you no matter what has been said or done.
It always comes back, i hope (that's the advice i got).

Reality might be cruel, but we can either embrace it or struggle endlessly. For me, i tried struggling and it just made me more annoying and irritating.
Struggling in quicksand will do no good. We'll just end up angry and very very sandy. This applies to the 19 months i have left to serve this country. EMBRACE 19 MONTHS

I will go and pursue my dreams taking with me all my lessons. More to learn of course.
This will work out again. Us. You. Me. Anything can happen, true. The world seems more flexible to what i percieved it to be. I'm lucky that i am filled with choices.

Its exciting who we are becoming. Almost starting a life again. Starting anew. Rediscovering myself.Rediscovering you. Some events that happened in the past might have been grave mistakes. But they are called mistakes so that we can improve on them and correct them. Maybe we can start again. Maybe we can't right now. Maybe i'll be more understanding. Maybe we'll try again. Wait, we will try again, definately. Once we have the right balance and proper means to try again. IWMY

Not now but not never. Between us, that means alot more than it would to strangers. I said that to you once many years ago. Its your turn now.I still have alot to learn but i know what to learn to be better now.

One unchanged fact is that i will always need you.

I think this is what you had in your mind and what you felt for a long time. Sorry i took so long to realise this. My sadness and reason to not believe what was happening had blinded me temporarily.

With this i say '' i let go'' but also with tears filled with love for you. You know you were always the one. You will not be alone, i promise you.
Day by day...talk to me when the time is right...Things are salvaged with me.At least it feels that way.

I love you annie.



You don't have to react to this..I am not reaching out to you.. I just read something and it moved me. I put this here for myself. Not anyone else.