DEAR U


I never liked you. I knew you would hurt me more and more as time went by. I was hopeful, i gave you time. Time to leave me on your own. You hurt me more in-fucking-stead. I am disappointed and despondent. You remind me of the pain every second that you've been with me whether intentionally or not i will never know! I credit my sleepless nights and lack of appetite to you! TO YOU! Tonight i will kill you.I will drown you. I will numb you.I will do anything to get rid of you! It will hurt like hell but hey! it will be better for me in the future. So forget it, i will not entertain your lies and mind games. This is the END my friend.

i will
i will
i will
i will
i will kill you with salt!
TONIGHT! TONIGHT!

good bye my Ulcer!

Now come one come all to this tragic affair
Wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair
So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot
You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me
So gather 'round piggies and kiss this goodbye
I'd encourage your smiles I'll expect you won't cry

Another contusion, my funeral jag
Here's my resignation, I'll serve it in drag
You've got front row seats to the penitence ball
When I grow up I want to be nothing at all!


Freddy Mercury


The New Freddy Mercury

My mum wouldn't buy the book ''the god delusion'' at Kinokuniya today.

and i wouldnt part with 34 bucks even if there was a 20% storewide discount, which there was.

I dont believe there is a god,

but i do believe in the purpose of believing that there is a god.

I believe in science.

i shall create a new religion.

YES

i will call it THE BLACK PARADE.

These will be the new TEN commandments
1.We abstain for all kinds of mushrooms/fungus
2.everyone must have a different shoe for each day of the week.
3.We believe in the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, one of our saints.
4.you still honour your mother and father.
5.Every sunday night we have coffee at siglap.
6.When we speak in tongues by putting our fingers in our cheeks and make a ''POCK'' sound
7.We shall not talk about fight club (i HAD to add that in)
8.On sunny days when the sky is blue and there are no traffic jams everywhere we indulge in mass interracial orgies later in the night. There will be a bat signal in the sky.
9.As a sign of peace we spit on each other's faces. The more phlegm the more love.
10.One life to live, do what you want. (yea if only)

i know some of them might not be real ''commandments'' hahaha, i am just bored .
PEACE to everyone!! pui!!!

BLASPHEMY!


argh, fill me up with a new obsession SOMEONE PLEASE.

Anyway moving on,i bought another book instead, ''investment genius of Warren Buffet & George Soros''

laughs out loud

mama ~ My chemical romance
lovefool ~ the cardigans

Sexomania

A new phenomenon called "sexomania", a condition in which people who are asleep proceed to initiate sex with their bed partner, is intriguing the inhabitants of the world of sex.

Researchers made an even more astonishing discovery when they found that not all the partners of people with the disorder were distressed or irritated by the idea of having sex with an unconscious person. In fact some almost prefer it.

"Sexomania", Sex While Asleep


RSS Feeds| SMS HEALTH to 8888 for latest updates

/cms.dll/photo?photoID=53862 WASHINGTON: A new phenomenon called "sexomania", a condition in which people who are asleep proceed to initiate sex with their bed partner, is intriguing the inhabitants of the world of sex.

In the study, the results of which are published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, Canadian researchers have found out that while many people fall asleep after sex, there are some that sleep during sex. Three researchers from the universities of Ottawa and Toronto and the Toronto Western Hospital, described "sexomnia" as a mix between having a wet dream and sleepwalking.

According to a report in News 24, the researchers made an even more astonishing discovery when they found that not all the partners of people with the disorder were distressed or irritated by the idea of having sex with an unconscious person. In fact some almost prefer it.

The researchers' study consisted of 11 case studies, mostly male. Two girlfriends of a 43-year-old man "independently confirmed that he frequently engages in sexual behaviour while asleep. One describes him as a 'different person' during these activities -apparently he is a more amorous and gentle lover and more orientated towards satisfying his partner."

Not all sexomniacs however are sensitive. Another 37-year-old man is "more aggressive and more amorous" while he's sleeping, says his wife. "He indulges in behaviours while asleep that he does not undertake when awake...there is no stopping him." But she admits, when he tried to throttle her, she had to slap him

HAHAHAH THROTTLE HER HAHAHAHAHAHA

''In reality, in love there is a permanent suffering which joy neutralizes, renders virtual, delays, but which can at any moment become what it would have become long earlier if one had not obtained what one wanted, atrocious.''

Marcel Proust

oh how true! how true!

There is nothing quite like suffering love,won't you agree.

orange sky ~ alexi murdoch
little thoughts ~ bloc party

Need to try some Ee.

I wish i never wondered.

I was talking to a friend about religion and here's what we agreed and come to.

For me, i believe someone created this character called ''god''. This ''god'' is created in an image so righteous, so matchless and glorious that he has no faults. With being so righteous and glorious people will always look up to him, in other words obey him. By using this image of someone so almighty, imagine how many lives they can influence.

Okay, the ''god'' part is set. So how are we going to guide the people? THE BIBLE I SAY!! To me the bible is just a book full of lessons. Whether made up or not i see it as a set of guidelines. If you believe in ''god'' you believe in his words. So this someone who is so bored and creative that he created this WORD in the bible.

Why would someone go through all the trouble of doing this you might ask?
My friend and i agreed that this person did this for the good of alllllll mankind. Take a few minutes and think about a world without religion. It would be a world without conscience, without moral, it will be a world without hope. Hope ,to me, is what wakes everyone up every morning. Without hope there is nothing to look forward to. Religion is also for the damned , well somewhere along that line of being damned. When you have nobody, isn't it nice to believe you have that special connection with that dude above? to give you hope and strength to carry on.

This part is from my friend.
Religion or ''god'' helps mankind in a different way. All huffy and crabby people use religion and ''god'' as an outlet for their anger. They do this by pouring all the negative junk on ''god''. Imagine again if there is no ''god'' Where will all the crabby and huffy stuff be dumped? IT WILL BE DUMPED ON YOU AND ME. We will have a world full of hate and no outlet!! We will kill each other and end up extinct like dinosaurs. They didnt have religions did they?

Ok finally, you're probably wondering why my title reads ''I wish i never wondered.''
Because now that i have taken a bite of Eve's apple, i may have just lost hope and my outlet. I'll probably be huffy and crabby to all my friends and family. Soon i'll be out on the streets sleeping. GHAST!!!! Maybe those people who sleep on the streets were once like me, thinking about all these stuff.

Morale of the story? dont bite the apple bitches.......... and huffy is a cute word.





*i dare you to change my views..

well...i can't get enough of this break up.

hmmm emmm ummm, how muddled, crushed, twisted and tormented i am. Oooooooo how yoda-esque.

what keeps two people together anyway?
i have lost faith and confidence.But i can still manage a smile for all you happy people out there =)

''oh boy, for fuck's sake!
you are only 19 years old!''
wish my mum or dad would say that.


middle of nowhere ~ hot hot heat
crown of love ~ the arcade fire



good bye and good night.

My Personality

Neuroticism	76
Extraversion	62
Openness To Experience	61
Agreeableness	35
Conscientiousness	36

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Find your soulmate / pysch twin MySpace Layouts, MySpace Quizzes and Ugg Boots by Pulseware Survey Software

i'm (not) sorry

don't get the wrong idea, i mess up.
We mess up.
Humans mess up.

We cannot possibly hurt anymore (you think?).It has nothing to do with a male's pride and ego. i love you for the umpteenth time and i will always care for you in an immeasurable way not thought possible.I promise and please please please don't the wrong idea. I will keep an open heart and hope for the future.

I will taken your advice, take mine because its from my heart.





Don't get mad if I'm laughing
Blame the caffeine for all the 5 am phone calls
I haven't slept a single night in over a month
And not even once did you start to make sense to me
Well maybe I'm a little bit slow, or just consistently inconsistent
She said, "Unpredictability's my responsibility, baby."

They chewed me up and then they spit me out
And I'm not supposed to let it bother me
But maybe I'm a little bit weak - I let my frailty take the wheel
She said, "Maybe there's a bit of me waiting for a bit of you. baby."

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out just like they hung out before
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway

To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere



This is HOT HOT HEAT
from VA BC

look at that cheeky devil


some park


in Holland


My old man and my young brother
at the rocky's

Oh girl we are the same
we are young and lost and so afraid
there's no cure for the pain
no shelter from the rain
All our prayers seem to fail

In joy and sorrow my home's in your arms
in world so hollow
it is breaking my heart

It is worse when you break up because you love someone.
It is worse when you want it so bad but it is so hard because of the distance.
It is worse when you know the other person feels the same way as you do.
It is worse when you still have 18 more months to serve this country.
It is worse when you know there is no easier way to love each other than to break up.

oh wait, the first and last one means the same. fuck.

Complicated and unfair. I guess it is safe to say life is starting for me.

why didn't anyone tell me muse was this fucking awesome live?







please watch please please please

and if what i've heard is true. they might be here next year!

Don't always think its YOU


I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?

You will suck the life out of me

Love will suck the life out of me.

''Existentialism and Humanism''

I am lost in Jean-Paul Sartre's Existentialism and Humanism.
It is quite a good place to be lost in.

In the mean time back in the cruel world, my house has turned into a hotel again. Yes, my parents are away again.

3 day 2 night
kew resort
pack light

that was one of the texts i got from a friend.
Charming.

No cars go ~ the arcade fire
you will you won't ~ the zutons

Well, i'll wait till you listen
I wont say a word
to follow your instincts
just never worked for me
you're silent but strong, yeah, I'm playing that card
and you're noticing nothing again

Now I'm lying on the table
with everything you said
keep that in mind the way that it felt
when the most I could do was to just blame myself

Feel it out for once and feel nothing like everyone else
when the most I could do was to just blame myself
and I know you know, everything
I know you didn't mean it

So, we're talking forever
and you almost feel better
but, betters no excuse for tonight
you see, it's never bad enough
to just leave or give up
but, its never good enough to feel right

I know you know, everything, drop everything
I know you didn't mean it, start it all over
I know you didn't mean it, remember more then youd like to forget

i know you know.

i love it when my mother buys me boxers. She always chooses the funky ones. haha.

i have a tommy whaley whaley one.
a bear putting with the words ''nice putt'' on my ass. (GEDDIT)
used to have a genie one from disney. ;)
one that looks like kitchen cloth.
and many many more.
i'm not ashamed about the fact that my mother buys my boxers for me!
HELL NO!
hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

night drive ~ the all american rejects
uncle johnny ~ the killers
i want you now ~ the feeling.



''For Sartre**, love, or any other human endeavor doesn't exist unless it is being acted upon. One can't be in love in a static state, like a rock is a rock. Human existence is defined through action and different modes of existence, say love, are real only insofar as they are being acted out or acted upon.

So, I can't love anyone while I am sleeping, or in a coma, or dead. Love requires action.

That said, one can never "realize" love since you are never quite done. You can't just do a few acts and then be finished and say, "ok, I've loved and now I'm finished" and still claim to be in the state of love. In fact, the state of love is a misphrase since love is only insofar as one acts for love, it is dynamic, always in motion, always in action lest it ceases to exist (and remains only in the past).''

like................................WHOOOOOAW

**Sartre- a French existentialist

Little Miss Sunshine

They say life is a fucking beauty peagant, one after another , it never ends.
Primary school, secondary school , national service, Unversity and what have you.
What are we all living up to. What is life.

Oh no...i'm slipping into another bout of existentialism PONDERING

They say life would not be enjoyable without suffering. Without suffering you will never learn.

I guess i am suffering and you can call it a painful lesson.

''Dwyane: You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and ffck the rest ''

If only it was that simple.

So now, what's next?





Good movie though.







i am trying.......

it is hazy as it is gloomy and sad.

SO HERE'S SOMETHING
PLEASE LET YOURSELF GO AND GET TICKLED AND LAUGH AND RELAX.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.


Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.


FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying insecurity.

MARTIN LUTHER
KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called into question

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken
crossing?"

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.


''And the time, such clumsy time
In deciding if it's time
I'm careful. but not sure how it goes
You can lose yourself in your courage

When the time we have now ends
And when the big hand goes around, again
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?

And the mindless comfort grows
When I'm alone with my 'great' plans
This is what she said gets her through it
'If I don't let myself be happy now, then when? if not now when?'

I close my eyes and believe
That wherever you are, an angel for me''

3rd time, still unlucky.


Precious
–adjective
1. of high price or great value; very valuable or costly: precious metals.
2. highly esteemed for some spiritual, nonmaterial, or moral quality: precious
memories.
3. dear; beloved: a precious child.
4. affectedly or excessively delicate, refined, or nice: precious manners.
5. flagrant; gross: a precious fool.

What is precious to you? Smeagol had his ring, 50 cent has his bling bling, Santana has his guitar, oil is a precious resource so is water in Singapore too.

But still time and time again we often throw what is precious to us aside. Sometimes we do not even realise what is precious to us. It can be something of a physical value or it can be something that cannot be measured. More often then not, unfortunately, that something precious would rise in value after you've lost it. Am i not wrong to say the people in jail cherish their freedom now? It is somewhere along the line i hope you get it.

Still, the people who do know what is precious to them still tend to lose it anyway. Why? i honestly do not know. All i know is that sometimes when we have that something we still tread on the dangerous side, dangling it above an abyss knowing damn well that we're going to lose it. Sometimes we do it subconciously, we get so sidetracked in life about other things that we have forget in what is important. But eventually everyone will come around. For me i think it is human nature to get sidetracked, you have to do what you have to do and forget about that something precious for awhile , even though its' eyes you depreciate in value. Feelings and actions are sometimes inevitable. For example, exhaust from the cars are slowly destroying nature, but why do we still drive? because we have to,it is as simple as that. We do it even though it still hurts.

Its not whether you have forgotten how precious that something or someone is. It is in your own heart that you know you meant well . I know i meant well. I did not mean to hurt you. You are my precious and i got sidetracked and it hurt you in the end. I would do anything to take it back but i can't. It was the only way i learn to be a man, i had to suffer and you were on the end of it, i am sorry. I hope you understand why. It is something everyone had to go through whether that sounded stupid or not.That something drove you away but i needed someone to listen and be strong for me. I know you've tried your best. You will always be precious to me my boo. Someday we'll find out if love can move a mountain.

We've come along way. A really really long way. From long nights and twist perms to ice creams to honeystars to movies to beaches to fisherman's wharf to everything else. I want to wish you a very (would be) Happy anniversary. i love you in the past ,present and future. i miss you very much.


''You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay..''

To really love a woman
To understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought
See every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly

To really love a woman
Let her hold you
Do you know how she needs to be touched ?
You gotta breath her
Really taste her
To you can feel her in your blood
Then when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman

You got to give her some faith
Hold her tight
A little tenderness
You gotta treat her right
She’ll be there for you
Taking good care of you
You really gotta love your woman

And when you find yourself
Lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s the one
She needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman
Just tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman

Ever since my parents haven't been in town.
Its been hectic.. yes hectic

i have read about you and i guess you were as lost as me.
you give me strength.

don't analyze
don't guess
don't estimate
don't underestimate
don't predict

just do it
just push it
just get it
be all that you can be.

If you have time and an open mind. Tell me how u feel.

http://vision.stanford.edu/~birch/pocahontas.html

The Mind and Heart

They are dangerous. Beautiful but dangerous.
One second/minute/hour/day/week they make you the happiest fool in the world running around with so much energy laughing till u cry.
The very next second/mintue/hour/day/week you have a bottle in your hand squating down thinking about everything that SUCKS and went wrong.

They twist and turn like nobody's business. I know i will never control my ''heart'' but i did not expect my mind to follow my heart in its elusive ways to control it. i honestly thought i'm strong enough. The bouts i had with these two often proved me wrong.

Its really beautiful but dangerous. You just cannnot change some things.
I'll live with it. No regrets, i've tried my best and i hold on by letting go.

i'm fine.

Back to prison break season 1

shaun got posted to CDO COMMANDOS

THE LAST VISIT TO THE SHELL STATION COST ME 99 BUCKS

I LOVE MY MARC JACOBS

I WONDER WHAT MY MUM GOT ME and i think she got you something too

SAMAIRE ARMSTRONG HAS GO TO BE MY TYPE. =)

I MISS YOU

MY HOUSE HAS BECOME A SHELTER FOR THE LOST.

GIVE ME SOME INDIE.

i've been busy.

You've been a ghost.

haunt haunt haunt haunt.

bad ghost.

oh..

Oh yes, men wear marc jacobs shoes too.

a voice from the past,
a hope for the future,
at least i know it was true,
i'm glad i still can have fun with you.