its quite funny when you find yourself running around an underground carpark for 30 mins when you cannot find you car.

its even funnier when you drink beer after chivas.

its even funnier when a ''high'' friend asks where's fat nick when nick is just next to him.

its even more funnier when you're disturbing a drunk friend and he chases you running sideways.

its not funny anymore when you get home at 5.30am and cannot sleep after 10am.



''Friends are God's way of taking care of us. If
you should die before me, ask if you could bring a
friend.''
~ Stone Temple Pilots

Wake up think fast, three weeks have passed. We are changing. No sleep, no excuses will pass these lips because were shaping up to be all you wish you could have been and to turn their heads and to open eyes to a brand new season.
i know this is now who i am.

So show me something we haven't heard yet but I'm not convinced and your hopeless songs wont stick. But I, I'll sing you something you wont forget for the first time I know this is now who I am.





Penguin CROSSOVER Fred

yes, give me two dragons.

City living. i love it.
i'll definately hanker over any apartment with such a view.
yes i'll HANKER like a spanker

COOKING
I think i need to learn how to cook!
Reality checked and i'm not sure if i can even fry an egg! im shit spoilt.
oh no, how how how, this isn't good. Need to something about this!
Who wants to teach me how to cook????? hahaha
i only know how to make muffins, but even those are from prepacked muffin packages from betty crocker. cheater way , as miss ow would say

iii'''m brainstompeddddddddd

I'd probably feel down it in the morning.
Maybe every morning.

''Hope is the last thing that dies in man; and though it be exceedingly deceitful, yet it is of this good use to us, that while we are traveling through life it conducts us in an easier and more pleasant way to our journey's end. ''
~ François de la Rochefoucauld

So another day at home.
My room is in a fucking mess.
When will my banksy posters come?

You wonder how some people can be so strong.

anyway check out prison break

On the prison drama Prison Break Wentworth Miller plays Michael Scofield whose brother was falsely imprisoned. To rescue his brother and find the real people at fault, Michael robbed a bank so he could be sentenced to Fox River State Penitentiary where his brother was incarcerated. Part of Michael's plan to free his brother involved an elaborate tattoo which he spent two months having tattooed on his upper body. The tattoo contained encrypted blueprint plans for Fox River prison which Michael, a structural engineer, helped design.


how can someone get so good looking.


I WANT .......... that FRED PERRY sweater haha

let me talk to you ~ justin timberlake
the future freaks me out ~ motion city soundtrack

FUCKING SICK

I AM FUCKING SICK
I AM FUCKING SEHH-ED OUT OF MY BRAIN
I AM FUCKING SUFFERING FROM BOUTS OF INSOMNIA
I AM FUCKING BLAME IMF FOR THE LACK OF SLEEP

WHAT'S WORSE THAN BEING FUCKIN SICK?
I HAVE WORK TOMORROW AND I AM ALONE.
FUCK, I HATE BEING SICK.
I HATE TO FEEL LETHARGIC.
WHEN I AM SICK I AM ON A FUCKIN SHORT FUSE.
I DO NOT LIKE BEING MEAN I AM A NICE GUY.
FUCK.
FUCK FUCK.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I WANT AN INJECTION. FUCK.
WOULD YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING STRONGER MISTER DOCTOR MAN, YOUR FUCKING PILLS AIN'T WORKING.

sigh. good night everyone.

''The ribbon on my wrist says do not open before christmas''

A number.

If you don't fall, you don't fall in love at all.
I fell hard and i know it was love.
I hope you remember me fondly, i am sorry for the times i've disappointed you.
Like you said, we'll see what the future holds.
For now, i am just so jaded.


''The heart was made to be broken.''
~ Oscar Wilde


fever.
great.
insomnia.
BEST.

Words are so powerful.

They can change you in an instant. Change your whole views and beliefs if used correctly. They can make a man jump off a cliff or they can cheat you out of thousands of dollars.

They can inspire you to do great things or they can make you feel so low.

Do you agree?

Would you agree that the most persuasive of well chosen words can change anyone's view of things?

It is scary to have this ''power'' they can make you believe and do anything. Of course time plays a part somewhere along the way. For example, the media is a very powerful tool it can make you cry or create hate.

It makes you think about yourself and other people. Are we all who we really are. What is real anymore?

haha just give me my hailey.

In two more years, my sweetheart, we will see another view
such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

They say: 'be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way'
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years so hold on

You've cried enough this lifetime, my beloved polar bear
Tears to fill a sea to drown a beacon
To start anew all over, remove those scars from your arms
To start anew all over more enlightened

I know, my love, this is not the only story you can tell
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years...

You don't need to find answers for questions never asked of you

dead weights and balloons
drag me to you
dead weights and balloons
to sleep in your arms
ive become rougher, this world is killing me

we cover our lies with handshakes and smiles
we try to remember our alibis
we tell lies to our parents he hide in their rooms
we bury our secrets in the garden
of course we could never make this love last
i said of course we could never make this love last
the only love we know is love for ourselves
we bury our secrets in the garden

18 more months to go.

It is funny how i find myself subconsciously doing certain things. I guess you have became a habit.They say breaking up is like an amputation. I understand why they say that. You lose an arm but you still try to reach out and grab something then harshly and unforgivingly , reality hits. It hits so hard.
Like an amputee who will never miss his arm.
I cannot will not deny or hide the fact that i will always be in love with you.

It hurts to think of you not being with me.
But when i think of you its exciting.

Music.

Best thing that ever happened to me
I love to read the lyrics to every song, over and over again. It speaks to me , it can mean a thousand things. From the cardigans to white snake to beach boys to fall out boy to saosin to michael buble. Give me any type of genre (must have lyrics!) and i will take it! no techno please, that is not music it is more like flies getting zapped in that ultraviolet fly zapper thingy and a toddler with eilepsy playing the electric piano.

I believe that music is the poetry of the 21st century.
It is the evocation of my feelings, the things i could not express.
Each song holds a memory and a meaning. I feel so connected with music.
This is my tribute to music, a big part of my life.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~ Victor Hugo

Does everything seem so hard? Or are our minds just playing tricks with our hearts.


I feel my wings have broken
In your hands
I feel the words unspoken
Inside
When they pull you under
And I would give you any thing you want
You were all I wanted
All my dreams are falling down
Crawling round and round and round
Somebody save me
Let your waters break right through
I don't care how you do it
Just save
Come on
I've been waiting for you
I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And they pull me under
And I would give you anything you want
All my dreams have fallen down
Crawling round and round and round



i can hear them calling, the two mountains.
Oh don't tempt me.
I hope i make the right decision.
oh god send me a sign!
I honestly cannot wait till all this is over.
But i can't go through this alone.

No one knows but i!

Bet that didn't make sense to anyone and i don't care.


hmm what do you think?

I've driven more than 450 kilometres in the past 5 days. With my buddies bloc party and death cab accompanying me the wholeeeeeee jolly time. I kind of enoyed it. Driving at 5am in the morning and late at night. It is so peaceful. I think i would love to go on a long road trip some place with very very very green scenery and plenty of animals,seeing snow somewhere along the way would be great too. So niceeeee. =))))
The car MUST be a cabrolet. Must have alot of twiggies. mmmm twiggie. i think thta's it. hahaha

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm twiggie.Cold ones are the best!
anytime is a twiggie time


Choices.again.

I hate to choose. I need to go through and through the pros of cons of each decision. That's the type of person i am.

I wish it was easier. sigh. It is still premature though. Sometimes it gets to a point that you wish something bad to happen so that it would be easier for me to choose. But that would be lying to myself and i will look back with regrets. The only regret is not being true to myself. This goes on and on and on and on in a vicious cycle. I'm torn. Seems so exciting.


Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful


Kill ~ jimmy eat world
refuge ~ john legend

Things don't happen for a reason. Things DON'T just happen UNDERSTAND.
Subconsciously your actions and decisions know what you want or want to happen. Then you happily say its fate or destiny. HAHAH FUCKING LAUGH IN YOUR FACE YOU FUCKING TWIT. mind my langauge but it happens for a reason.

Ain't nothing that is true anymore. Just lies to get what you want and where you want to be in this world. Face it, sometimes you have to be shrewd and crude about things and let go a smoke screen and say it's fate i guess.

Talk talk talk talk talk. Stop it. YOU make your own FATE your own LUCK your own DESTINY ain't nothing spectacular or wonderfully great about it.The puzzle don't fit nicely; you cut it into shape dumbass. It is down to being sneaky about it. I know i went for alot of things in life. I used to say it was fate and luck. Fuck that now. I sweat blood and tears and i won't let all my effort go to luck. Respect it and cherish it. I will remember it. I will i will i will.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

George Bush said god spoke to him and told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq.

I wish god spoke to me. Don't get me wrong Bush is full of purple fart. But sometimes i just wish someone as powerful as ''god'' can take a little time off to tell me what to do.

sigh sigh sigh. That has got to be the most used word next to ''lol'' oh and i need to stop using singlish. I heard myself in a recording and its pretty sick. sick sick sick. A sick duck. fark. put a car in the dark filled with farts and throw darts. i am going crazy. i want to buy some chucks.
Work is till 11pm tonight. Might need to stay in.


Existentialism.
Yes why? Why must things be the way they are? Can't we throw away all the rules. Poor bogey man, all he wanted to be was to bake blueberry muffins.



Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised.

bruised ~ Jack's mannequin


''Little drops of rain Whisper of the pain Tears of love Lost in the days gone by''

My speakers are working!!! i am alive again!!!

Return Of The Queencess.

That will be a great movie with a very interesting end.

Anyway IMF is going smoothly, we were given more manpower means there is more free time for me and sooooo i am here

I am like a big big big colourful flower bending to the Sun. That sun would be the SLK in the visitors lot.

Bittersweet is a good word. A mixture of pain and pleasure. Sigh. Does anyone know what is the best remedy to mend a broken heart?
I hate learning. It means you will have to fall. I hate falling because i don't like getting hurt. I hate getting hurt because it takes time to heal. I hate to wait for it to heal because i am impatient. I am impatient because i inherited it from my father. I like being impatient, I just got to learn to control it. I believe it is a good trait to have. I used to think instilling fear get things done, but that's what terrorist do. I need to change my way and this is going nowhere. HAR HAR HAR.

If it can be broke then it can be fixed,
if it can be fused then it can be split
It's all under control
If it can be lost then it can be won,
if it can be touched then it can be turned
All you need is time
We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?
A sense of purpose and a sense of skill, a sense of function but a disregard
We will not be the first, we won't
You said you were going to conquer new frontiers,
Go stick your bloody head in the jaws of the beast
Breath in, breath out
So here we are reinventing the wheel
I'm shaking hands with a hurricane
It's a colour that I can't describe,
It's a language I can't understand
Ambition, tearing out the heart of you
Carving lines into you
Dripping down the sides of you
We will not be the last.


Burt Bacharach / Elvis Costello Lyrics ~ I'll Never Fall in Love Again

I AM LUCKY
I sound so spoilt in my previous post. Ok enough of that.

Had a long chat with my dad this morning, it was a ''jolly good conversation'' . We talked about my future (studies). It is really comforting to know he was not going to impose on me to study whatever he thought will be good for me. Instead he told me he will support me in whatever and wherever i choose to study. I thought he might not take me seriously when i told him what i might consider doing, but he didn't and gave me advice. I feel sooooo.....optimistic....yes.....that's the word.

I made two new friends today. Yes mummy i did! Interesting people with good experience that might be of useful knowledge to me! haha. After all one of them OWNS a SLK 200 the closest thing to a Hailey my SLR.

msn is down. Its like having cream with no ice. Save me.
One of my speakers is not working. Fuck, my dad will kill me if its spoilt.

''Nothing is hopeless; a million miracles are witnesswed every day''

Enough is never enough.

Its human nature to always want more.
More than they need.
More than they can afford.
More than they can handle.
More more more more more more.

I should be so lucky. The life my parents have provided me with. The things i've seen. The things i've done. The opportunities i have

Nothing. Zilch. You'll get used to it, then you move on to want more.
Then you realise you want so much more that you cannot turn back. You realise you cannot be simple anymore. You cannot go back to what you once was. You'll eventually finding yourself wanting more. I'm a more-whore. I'll go crazy, plotting and planning to get what i want. I usually get what i want. Be it days, months even years.

It gets to the point that the chase of it all is far more exciting then getting the object itself. It is just like the movie The Thomas Crown Affair. Where this bored billionaire businessman , Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan) gets his kicks from plotting and stealing valuable targets like a Monet.

I should be so lucky. But i am not, i am greedy and ungrateful. Sometimes i wish i didn't have a choice. That way i wouldn't have to look back and regret , that way i won't end up being disappointed and spoilt. Choices can make or destroy you. It defines you. When you are given a choice you will always want more even when you don't need it and you tend forget the more important and simple things that were always there. Maybe i wasn't so lucky after all, this gift is a curse.


''Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives. ''


If you like Something corporate try Jack's Mannequin ~ Mixed Tape
Jack's back

Can someone lend me the album waterloo by Dirty Pretty Things.
Yea as if anyone reads this anyway.



Bloc Party is legal high legal high legal high legal high legal high legal high legal high. ahhhh

Hard rock was good.
They played Maroon 5 convincingly.
They sang MJ's songs and it was actually quite ''real''.
They were really good.
I didn't like live bands before, but i guess you can't knock it off until you try anything.
Now i want to see death cab for cutie at hard rockkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Sick Hacks Shots with tia maria. YES i'm talking about the HACKS the sweet.
Got ''saboed'' by the bartender. haha.
Ended up abit high and playing with the PA in the house and shouting ''i'm richhhhh bioacthhhh''
Then it was puke puke puke after that.
I really need to do something more productive.
I spent more money.....shit......
This was kind of meaningless fun though. Nothing to do with existentialism.


I'm a war, of head versus heart,
And it's always this way.
My head is weak, my heart always speaks,
Before I know what it will say.
And you can't find nothing at all,
If there was nothing there all along.

I realised there is a hidden relation between perception and existentialism.
Perception leads us into a life that we do not choose or know about and later we wonder about our own existentialism and reason for reason after we realise this is not what we are looking for in the first place. Has perception taken us far away from what we are really interested in? Has perception destroyed everything ''real''

haha forget it. Don't think anyone will understand 80% of my female brain.

Death cab for cutie and strong cough syrup should be in the ''legal high'' category.



When i found love
God sent me a black dove
He trapped me
I have lost the fight
Make me believe
I want to believe.

You Are Half Baked Ice Cream

In reality, you're just a quarter baked

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

OH SWEET BABIES OF A MULE!
Its scary how they figured all that out from answering silly animal questions.
But that is pretty much me. hahahaha.

Your Penis Name Is...

Goliath

Penis Name Generator

I couldn't help but know.HAHAHAHAHA.

You May Be a Bit Antisocial...

Antisocial? That may be a bit of an understatement. You think rules are meant to be broken - and with gusto! Having no fear, you don't even think about consequences. But people love you anyway... you've got a boatload of charm.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

You Are a Liberal for Life

You've got a bleeding heart - and you're proud of it. For you, liberal means being compassionate, pro-government, and anti-business. You believe in equality for every person, and you consider yourself universally empathetic. Helping others is not just political for you ... it's very personal too.

What's Your Political Persuasion?

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced. Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic. With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative. In love, you seem mysterious and interesting. In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal. Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Are You Hot?

Oh yes. HAHAHA. THIS + GOLIATH = DEADLY.. ok i'm only kidding.

You Are Spider-Man

Quick and agile, you have killer instincts (literally). And that kind of makes up for the whole creepy spider thing.

What Superhero Are You?

''then you know why we can't be together mary jane''

You Should Drive a Ford Shelby Mustang Cobra

You have an extreme need for speed, even when you're not in a hurry. And while your flying by, you don't want to look like every other car on the road!

What 2007 Car Should You Drive?

ELANOR!!!!

You Are 35% Normal

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

My mum said i was special.. =)

Your Brain is 80% Female, 20% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

i i i i i i i i i dunno what to say say say say say......

ok i can't get enough but i neeed to stopppppppp....
i THINK that most of them have some truth in it. GOLIATH. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

JIMMY EATS WORLD ~ GET IT FASTER
I'm holding out
Not getting an answer
I'm finding out that
Cheating gets it faster

''We are told about the world before we see it. We imagine mist things before we experience them. And these perceptions, unless education has made us acutely aware, govern deeply the whole process of perception. They mark out certain objects as familiar or strange''
-Walter Lippman

Is black really black? or is it actually blue? or red? Who named it ''black''? And who decides for eternity it shall be called black. Are we the ones who are really colour blind? But then who are we compared to? Do we actually percieve black to be... black?

That quote reminds me of the movie ''the matrix''.The truth is we are controlled in a way.By the media, by our parents, by our peers and the GOVERNMENT.
Sometimes because out of respect, maybe the 'older-knows-better'' mindset, maybe beacuse of FEAR(govt govt govt).

Ultimately we slowly lose ourselves in perceptions. I dare say we lose our soul. We already make up our mind so quickly based on opinions.
Have you ever thought of what you wanted to be?
I always wanted to be a business man.
Recently i've been thinking of what i actually want to do with my life in the future and what i am interested in.

In singapore it is a safe bet that if you want to live comfortably you have to be a businessman(an average one would do). I thought about it and now i might not be so interested in being one anymore. Look at it this way, i may have been interested in being a businessman only because i wanted to live the best life in Singapore. As a result i forgo all my other talents (if i had any) and any other real interest. Brushing them off as unimportant and childish(maybe). In a way this is also preception. We precieve we need to survive in Singapore therefore we create this interest in business(in my case). Apply that to many other things and see what else you can find out about yourself. You'll be surprised what you actually want. Unfortunately not everyone can change.

Apply that to racism
money
cars
toilets
insects
death
love
ballons
colours
shoes
FASHION
ART

Magicians and politicians use this to great effect in getting what they want.

I think that's one way to look at the world. I just hope we don't lose ourselves to society. I see it as a vicious cycle. I envy those who know what they want.
But there's no fun in know what you want. Which brings me to my next point in life.
You can never be happy. haha

i hope i made sense.. haha.. ignore me.

hahaha..this tickles me and makes me think...

Usually after something major or life changing has happened, you tend to think about ''serious stuff''.
''Serious stuff'' for me, i guess would be something likeeeeeeeeeeee....existentialism.


Now would you tickly my fancy Little Miss Nancy!


''So are we lost or do we know
Which direction we should go
Sit around and wait for someone to take our hands and lead the way
Cause every day we're getting older
And every day we all get colder

We're sick of waiting for our answers
Yeah I'm so tired of waiting, waiting for us to
Yeah I'm so sick of waiting, for us to make a move

Wake up, wake up, wake up
And we will never lose
Make a move.

It's not enough
To let it run
Where's the truth
It's all wrong.''
-The LostProphets

I woke up at 6.30am to go to work today until my dear mum told me i could take the car. SOOOOOOOO i suddenly have an extra hour to spend before i leave.
What can you do to pass time with this hour without sleeping?

YOU CANNNNNNNNNNNNNN stare blankly at the computer screen and don't know what else to say.

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth

In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved


It truly is disappointing and sad to be misunderstood.
Always in all ways, i want you.

OH MANDY-THE SPRINTO BAND
if you like indie.

TODAY TODAY TODAY.
If you are JOSHUA YEW PING YUAN ( my chinese name means ''source of peace'' or '' Fountain of peace'' somewhere along that line. HAHAHA)
YOU would know you had a busy day when you leave your wallet in the office after you realised the notes in your wallet are UPSIDE DOWN and do not have the time to put them upright. It irks me to death to know my notes are not put properly. Maybe that is the reason why my pinky toe on my left foot kept twitching, it knows something is WRONG. This is the first time and the last time i leave my notes upside down, i swear.
Its soooooo... soooo....mindfucking to know it was not........upright....yes.....yes... definately... yes...
See i'm still suffering....it still haunts me that i lefttttttttttttttttttttt my notes...UPSIDE DOWN....yes .... yes....*twitch twitch*
hope i can live with myself after today....


I realised i have a great affinity for slow 70's rock music. These are the real pioneers of rock or metal, forget Metallica. This is how rock songs should be. PLEASE DO YOURSELF JUSTICE AND DOWNLOAD THESE. SPREAD THE LOVE , THE LOVE !!
The Scorpions - Winds of change
Journey - Don't stop believing
Skid Row - I remember you
Steelheart - Angel eyes
yes yes yes....

I think, i was an ice cream in my previous life.

I scream
you scream
we all scream
for..
ICE CREAM...mmmmm....*twitch twitch*

I guess this answers if there is a God.
''it is the heart which perceives God and not the reason. That is what faith is: God perceived by the heart, not by the reason''
-Blaise Pascal

And with that i will not be alone...

I can't say i like NS
But i can't say i hate it too.

I realised that i hated NS in the first place because it prevented me from certain things i wanted so bad. I guess i would not have hated it so bad if ''they'' let me defer it and go overseas to pursue my studies. That would have made it so much better, that would clear alot of doubts and worries in my head right now. Like how i would start studying again, can i keep the momentum going like i used to in secondary school. My main conern is that i will lose interest in my studies, that is why i'm going to embark on a part-time dipolma soon, hopefully.

As a result of not getting what i wanted i blamed everything else and said alot of stupid things to make myself feel better. Of course it did not work. I was still so bitter and angry. So for the record, i only hated NS because i wanted to study first and maybe be with someone at that time.

One good thing has come out of this though, it has showed me how I DO NOT WANT MY WORKING LIFE TO BE. It is so monotonous right now, I hate those type of jobs.You just do your part over and over and over again each day and go home and wake up and over and over and over again. Its like you are working to live, there is no excitment in that. I want to live to work. That makes everything the more interesting and challenging. I admire people who hold those type of jobs. Might be hard and stressful , yea, but at least it's different and keeps you going . That is the type of person i am. I can't keep still and waste my brain away. But then again, not every will be so lucky to get what they want.

Life's got to be more than just sitting down and doing the same stuff over and over again. I WANT A LIFE THAT IS MINE.

''And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.''
-Abraham Lincoln

This morning when i woke up...i felt it...it was instant..

Soooooooooooo, I spent 600 bucks in the last 2 days. yup.
HEY BIG SPENDER.
Best part is i don't feel the pinch, yet.
The stuff i ordered has finally came,its really beautiful.
The rest of the money was basically spent on my high phone bill for last month and clothesssssss.yessssssssss. Haven't bought anything for myself since i enlisted except for my handphone.




__ used to be here.




My newest friend.

I screwed up badly. I was frustrated at many things. I said alot of stupid things.
I hope i did not destroy our friendship because it means alot to me that i still have you there. Another regret another act of stupidity. When will this end?
I hope there is still hope for us.
I feel sad because i felt that i have destroyed it.
When that was the last thing on my mind.
I know i have said these things a countless times before, you can choose not to believe me i understand.
I can't deny my love for you or hide it. You've shown me something i cannot forget. I went out today and it felt good. Peace of mind.
Perhaps you already suffered your share of heartache before you told me how you felt. I can say i have just suffered mine for the past weeks and now, i like you have put my feelings for you locked tightly and put it in a special place in my heart.Where i'm sure it will not be forgotten. Maybe waiting to see what the future has in store for it. Or as a reminder of many things.
For the time being that will not be opened. The timing is not right for love or us.
Too young too soon. I don't want to hurt another person. I've done enough. Too young to do this gf-bf thing. It's not right at all. I am going to embark on a part time course. Studies is more important now. That's the main reason why i went to do my NS first anyway.
I'm in desperate need of help and i can only help myself this time.
Forgive me once again...

''There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.''
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

three posts in a day.
And finally something that felt like a closure.
To start again.

Travis Barker.

http://celeb18.com/2006/08/15/travis-barkers-divorce/

Its quite easy to believe what travis said even IF** this was made up. Especially if you watched MEET THE BARKERS.

**(which i highly doubt so because there are so many other sites that supports this)



''i purposely tattoed my whole body so i couldn't fall back on a perfect job. So I had to play music. I wouldn't have any other choice''

Travis is my hero.
Great POPPA. Perfectionist with passion!

I hope i can find the day to forgive myself.
I had you and i lost you. I was blinded and i let the most insignificant of things
take control of my life. When the most important of person in my life was slipping away. How could i been so off track? I took you for granted. You never know what you got till its gone.


''You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here''


Memories of you and me, they haunt me wherever i go. I cannot escape it. I won't erase them even if it kills me to. In the mall when you were going for a job briefing and you would run off to the toilet to give me a kiss. Shopping for groceries. I want orange jabbas!

You and me had something special. People who knew us would admit it. The times when we were together it was all about our own little world. Bonnie and clyde, all i need in this life of sin, is me and my.........


One thing good has come out of all this though, we did learn where we went wrong.
Be it in our long-distance relationship or when we were on the same country. We lost touch of reality. The harshness of it all. And it came crashing like a train without brakes before we could prepare for it.

''No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I’m with my Boo
You know I’m crazy over you''


Three years, 36 months 37 weeks 1095 days and billions of ''i love yous'. Could we have worked it out? i don't know. Do i want another chance? No, i don't want. I need another chance.
Regret is a strong word. You use it when you admit you've done something you wish you could have taken back.Some people use it when they can still salvage things. Some people use it when the realise it is too late. Unfortunately it was the latter for me. I don't usually regret things.
But if only we could turn back time.
I'm not asking for another chance. That's not right of me. And it's unfair to you. I just want you to know how colourful you made my life after i met you. I meant that in a good way. The holiday in July was unbeilevable. Felt like we were adults and married. No parents to curfews. only abit of a money problem. But we were so free. And i understand why you like it there so much more.


''Come up to meet you, Tell you i'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
take me back to the start ''


Went to wala wala at holland V last night. The live band was quite good. But there was this disturbing plump guy who sat infront of the stage and kept singing along with the band with so much passion. You might ask, so what's wrong with that? And i would tell you to imagine him licking his lips , touching himself and swaying like a pole dancer on a stool and you would know something is definately wrong.
There was this midget waitress too. Really cute. haha. Like a 12 year old girl serving beer.

Met this girl of my friend's. Apparently she's leaving for somewhere for a very long time and her boyfriend didn't want to spend time with her. Need i say how much he'll regret it the day after she leaves?

Was stopped at a road block on the way home last night. I was doing 80 on a 50. Fucking lucky the officer didn't really care. And luckily i only had about half a bottle of beer. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



''im just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on loves sweet charity
And I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams''


To those who will get to know her and to those who already do. LeAnn is a very special person. Don't take her for granted or you'll regret it with your heart. like i did.


i'm such an emo fucker.sob sob sob wake up motherfucker.